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Three 
Wise Fools 



A Comedy in Three Acts 
by Austin Strong 



All Rights Reserved 



Copyright. 1 91 9, 

by Austin Strong, Wine he 1 1 Smith 

and John L. Golden 



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m 30 I9iy 



'OLD 51 



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THREE WISE FOOLS 



WINCHELL SMITH and JOHN L. GOLDEN 

Present 

"Three Wise Fools" 

A Comedy 
By Austin Strong. 

Produced at the Criterion Theatre, Thursday Evening, 

October Slst, 1918. 



CAST OF CHARACTERS. 

MR. THEODORE FINDLEY__ Claude Gillingwater 

DR. RICHARD GAUNT Harry Davenport 

HON. JAMES TRUMBULL William Ingersoll 

MISS FAIRCHILD Helen Menken 

MRS. SAUNDERS Phyllis Rankin 

GORDON SCHUYLER Charles Laite 

BENJAMIN SURATT -Stephen Colby 

JOHN CRAWSHAY Charles B. Wells 

POOLE Hayward Ginn 

GRAY Harry H. Forsman 

CLANCY Levitt James 

DOUGLAS J. Moy Bennett 

POLICEMAN George Spelvin 



ACT I. 

The Living Room in the Home of Three Wise Fools, 
Washington Square, New York City. 

ACT 11. 

Four weeks later. 

ACT III. 
Half an hour later. 



THREE WISE FOOLS 



CAST OF CHARACTERS. 

HON. JAMES TRUMBULL, Justice of the Federal Court. 

MR. THEODORE FINDLEY, of Findley & Co., Bankers. 

DR. RICHARD GAUNT, of the RocMeller Institute. 

MISS FAIRCHILD. 

MRS. BOYD. 

GORDON FINDLEYN. 

BENJAMIN SURATT. 

POOLE. 

GRAY. 

CLANCEY. 

DOUGLAS. 



ACT I. 

The Living Room in the Home of Three Wise Fools, 
Washington Square, New York City. 

ACT II. 

Four weeks later. 

ACT III. 

Two hours later. 



THREE WISE FOOLS 5 

ACT ONE. 

SCENE — The living room in an old house on North 
Washington Square. A distinguished room — distinguished 
in its simplicity. The room is richly hut discreetly fur- 
nished, showing rare restraint and good taste. What few 
things there are reflect knowledge and breeding. 

The furniture is well worn by honourable use — early 
Victorian and very complete. 

Double mahogany sliding doors center — leading to a 
spacious dining room rear. 

Door rear R. leads into the front hall — where we get 
a glimpse of a fine old caibinet and portrait. 

Window R. with heavy brocaded curtains. 

Stairway at L. rear — first landing leading to library 
door — the stairway then turns to R. and leads up to second 
landing where a door faces audience leading to the upper 
hall. 

Fireplace L. — between fireplace and stairway — a door 
leading to the servants' quarters. 

Sofa before fireplace — small horsehair settee in front 
of table. 

Behind sofa round mahogany table on which is an old 
fashioned globe lamp with hanging crystals. Telephone, 
magazines and evening papers are also on this table. 

Card table center. 

Armchair L. Small table with another glass globe 
lamp. 

Between hall door and dining room — a small cabinet 
full of books — an old family album. 

A grandfather's clock stands at foot of stairs and 
ticks their lives away. 

A bell cord hangs L. of the double doors- 

DISCOVERED— The curtain rises disclosing THEO- 
DORE FINDLEY, the senior partner of Findley & Co., 
Bankers, seated at the small green-covered card table in 
the center of the stage, facing front. He is strong, power- 
ful^ ivith a fine head of white hair. 

He is laying out a gawte of patience from a double pack 
of miniature playing cards, tvith the same deliberation he 
has laid out his life and affairs. He is ivhistling as he plays 
an old fashioned tune. 



6 THREE WISE FOOLS 

BE. RICHARD GAUNT, the hrain specialist and mem- 
her of the Rock feller Institute, is seated on the sofa extreme 
L., before the fire reading a medical journal. His hack is 
toivards Findley and he sits in a circle of light from the 
standing lamp. He also is of late middle age — thin, dis- 
tinguished, polished. He has all the grace, poise and re- 
pose of manner which comes with the mastery of his pro- 
fession. He has the surgeon's hands, heautiful in line and 
strength. He wears the red rihhon of the Legion of Honor 
in his huttonJiole. Both are in snowy linen, as they ahvays 
dress for dinner, even when they dine alone — which is the 
rule. 

(Findley whistles his ancient tune, as GRAY enters L., 
picks up the telephone from round table L. of C, speaking 
as he does so.) 

GRAY — Mr. 'FindilQj .( Findley glares at him over his 
glasses) — ^One of the men from your office wants to talk to 
you on the telephone. 

, FINDLEY — (Whistles for some time, then speaks) — 
I 've gone to hed. 

GRAY — (In telephone) — Hello! Mr. Findley has 
gone out for the evening, sir ! — (Exits L. closing door soft- 
ly after him.) 

FINDLEY — (Looking up from, his game of patience 
finds his cigar unlighted. Looks for matches on table — 
then under it — fusses about.) — I say, Dick, have you seen 
the matches? — (Froivns at Dr. Gaunt who pays no atten- 
tion — then in a loud voice) — I say — have you seen the 
matches? — (Doctor says nothing — Findley nods assent as 
if he'd been answered) — Aha! — (Furnbles about helpless- 
ly) — I had them here somewhere? — (Dr. Gaunt hears noth- 
ing, engrossed in his journal. Findley searches among his 
pockets, looks under the table knitting his massive brows 
in thought) — Now ! I could have sworn I laid those 
matches right here 'on the — er — on the— er — (Lays his hand 
down on the corner of the table and right on the matches. 
Gives a sheepish glance at the Doctor and lights his cigar — 
slamming down the matches-) 

DR. GAUNT — (Sighs with obvious satisfaction over 
paper) — A — ah — ^good ! 

FINDLEY — (Cigar between his teeth — as he continues 
his game) — ^ What's the matter with you? 

DR. OAUNT — (As he reads) — ^Oh, nothing — at least 
nothing YOU could understand ! 



THREE WISE POOLS 



FINDLEY — (Growling) — T think I can understand 
anything YOU can understand ! 

DR. GAUNT — Hardly, I'm reading from a medical 
journal! 

FINDLEY — Ump'h ! I should think after cutting peo- 
ple up all day and lecturing about their brains the LAST 
thing you'd want to read would be a medical journal. 

DR. GAUNT — (With a S7nile) — On the contrary. — 
(Turning to Findley) — I confess to enjoying myself im- 
moderately. — (Turns hack to his reading with pardonable 
pride) — Er — I'm reading one of my own ARTICLES! — 
(Pause) — I call it the Unburied Dead. 

FINDLEY— The Unburied Dead. 

DR. GAUNT— The "Unburied Dead" or ''A Physco- 
Analysis of Mental Grooves ! and I contend — (MRS. SAUN- 
DERS enters D. L.) 

FINDLEY — (With a shrug) — I don't want to hear 
any more. 

DR. GAUNT— ^To himself )~All rigU\—(They con- 
tinue as before. Mrs. Saunders stands at a respectful dis- 
tance on Findley 's left. He continues his whistling. Then 
looks up at her — annoyed) — What is it, Saunders? 

SAUNDERS — (Calmly, with a calmness horn of many 
years) — The silver lists, sir — (Hands him small red hook — 
he takes it and throws it down wearily) — The weekly ac- 
counts — (Hands him a small hlack hook — he takes it ivith 
a savage froivn.) 

FINDLEY— I'll look them over later. 

MRS. SAUNDERS— Yes, sir.— (She starts to go L.— 
he stops her.) 

FINDLEY— Saunders. 

SAUNDERS— fOomn?^ hack)^YQs, sir. 

FINDLEY — Has the corn-meal from the farm run 
out ? 

MRS. SAUNDERS— No, sir. 

FINDLEY — Then why didn't the cook give us Johnny 
cakes for breakfast this morning ? 

MRS. SAUNDERS— I thought you'd like a change, 
Mr. Findley! 

FINDLEY — (Turning on her) — ^Saunders, how many 
times have I got to tell you that we don 't like change in this 
house. We are three men of settled habits — we don't 
want innovations — (Picks up cards) — I am the house- 



8 THREE WISE FOOLS ^ 

keeper here — not you! You have my complete list of the 
meals? — (Resumes game.) 

MRS. SAUNDERS— fCa^m.^!/— /or she goes through 
this every evening of her life) — -Yes, sir. 

FINDLEY— (^P/a2/5 and smokes savagely) — Then stick 
to them ! 

MRS. SAUNDERS— r^on.g pause)— U that all— Mr. 
Findley? 

FINDLEY — -No — ^that's not all — (turns in his chair — 
glaring at her) — The next time you engage a servant, 
Saunders, _don't go to a lunatic asylum! — (Dr. listens and 
smiles as he reads) — That new maid is a dumh-head ! 

MRS. LAUNDERS— (Shocked)— Mr. Findley! 

FINDLEY — (Roaring at her) — What does she do with 
my (bed slippers ? 

MRS. SAUNDERS— I don't know, sir. 

FINDLEY — (Turning again at her — loud in wrath) 
Well, I can tell you — (Dr. turns and listens) — ^^what she 
does with th^m. She hides them — (Dr. smiles) — She hides 
them on purpose ! I had to crawl under the bed on my 
hands and knees this morning for ten minutes, and then I 
didn't find 'em! — (Dr. chuckles) — I had to go to the bath- 
room barefooted. — (Dr. laughs. Findley turns on him) — 
BAREFOOTED I— (Findley fairly^ shouts this at the Doc- 
tor) — ^Saunders, I won't stand for it — ^give her a good call- 
ing down — ^fine her — ^discipline her — (Doctor turns front 
and listens) — give it to her hot! 

DR. GAUNT — Oh, come she'll never be any >good. — 
(Rises, goes up to R. of Saunders and gives her a confiden- 
tial ivink) — ^Saunders you better have done with her, on 
the spot and discharge her. 

MRS. SAUNDERS— rWear%j— Just as you say, 
gentlemen ! — (Looks at Dr. and seeing his wink, smiles.) 

FJ'NDiL'EjY^( Grumbling — shamefacedly — Dr. turns 
again to Saunders and smiles — she smiles hack at him) — 
No — no — no — don't discharge her! It'll only mean we'll 
get a worse one. Bad as she is I 've got used to her. 

DR. G-AUNT — Oh, you better not have her around, 
FINDLEY — (Snarling up again) — ^Not have her 
around? Why that girl supports her mother! What's the 
matter with you Dick — you haven't any heart — (Sternly) 
That'll do, iSaunders ! 

MRS. iSAUNDERS— Yes, ^\T\—(Exit Saunders L.) 
(Dr. watches Findley then goes to the round tahle L.) 



THREE WISE FOOLS 



(Gray oiters through sliding doors from the dining 
room. C- — after Findley whistles. Dr. compares his watch 
ivith the grandfather's clocl' — noting exact time of Gray's 
entrance.) 

(GRAY carries silver tray on which are a small carafe 
of water, a medicine bottle, a measured medicine glass, and 
a glass spoon. He places this on small serving table to R. 
of Findley, Dr. turns, watching Gray. Exit Gray C. Find- 
ley looks at Gray bringing on medicine then takes out watch 
— glares rear at Gray and then lays watch on table — con- 
tinues game. Dr. watches this with quiet amusement. 
Findley gives an occasional glance at the minute hand. 
The Doctor ivatches and a thought strikes him. He tiptoes 
up L., back of Findley to the table and quietly steals the 
glass spoon — returning to fireplace L. above sofa.) 

(FINDLEY again examines his watch. Ts satisfied the 
fatal moment has arrived, snaps it shut, puts it back in his 
pocket, whistles, shakes bottle, carefully holds up measuring 
glass and with infinite care pours in the medicine — -to the 
exact mark. He then adds water from the carafe and feels 
for the spoon.) 

FINDLEY— rVT^iV// a growl)— VmY>^\--( Looks about 

the table — then on floor) — AVhat in the name of (Dr- 

laughs and rises during Findley 's speech crosses to L. of 
him laying his journal on the round table as he passes it)- — 
What's come over the servants in this house— that fool 
Gray has forgotten the spoon — the spoon ! Of all the amaz- 
ing idiots ! 

DR. GAUNT — (Calmly producing the spoon — and 
handing it to Findley) — Here's your spoon! I took it! 

FINDLEY — (Turning on him amazed — glaring at hi-m 
over his glasses) — You took it — what for ? 

DR. GAUNT — To prove a point in my thesis here on 
the • 'Unburied Dead !" — (Indicates magazines on table and 
lavghs) — ^Teddy — vou're one of 'em! 

FINDLEY— What? 

DR. GAUNT — For two years at exactly 8.45 — *govern- 
ment time — your right hand has reached for that spoon! 
(Findley starts to drink) — For two years at 8.46 you have 
swallowed that medicine — (Then Findley drinks) — and for 
two years it hasn't done you the least hit of good ! 

FINDLEY — (Splutters over his drink half swallowed) 
Well, you prescribed it : 

DR. GAUNT— Two vears ago. 



10 THREE WISE FOOLS 

FINDLEY — (After an anxious look at hottle) — ^^Oh ! 
Then you advise my changing the prescription? 

DR. GAUNT — (Oratorically) — I advise our changing 
our whole mode of existence — the entire machinery of our 
lives ! I 've suddenly icome to the grave realization that 
you and I and the Judge are in mortal danger! Teddy, 
don't you see the awful significance of that spoon! Be- 
cause it was not in its proper place — the top of your head 
was in imminent danger of exploding ! 

FINDLEY — What's the matter with you tonight, 
Dick — you 're queer ! 

DR. GAUNT — No, Teddy — ^^we three are queer. We're 
deep in grooves — we're chained by hahits, harnessed by 
custom. We're knee-deep in ruts — while flowered mea- 
dows beckon us on every hand! Ha, ha — (Walks L. a 
little way laughing) — Ruts ! Teddy, ruts ! 

FINDLEY — (Frow7iing. Card poised in air) — Ruts ! 

DR. GAUNT — (Turning — returns) — Yes — grooves — 
tracks — paths — trails — don 't you understand ? 

FINDLEY — Not a damn word and neither do you ! — 
(Resumes game.) 

DR. GAUNT — (Laughing) — Now listen, Teddy you 
play solitaire after dinner every night — you swallow your 
medicine and drink your two cups of coffee with gruesome 
regularity. Promptly at 10.30 we have our apples and hot 
water and go to bed. You want to murder a maid, because 
your bed slippers were not in their accustomed habitat — 
and you growl if Johnny cakes don't appear for breakfast 
every Thursday morning ! 

FINDLEY — (Sharply) — How about you this morning 
when your eggs were too soft. 

DR. GAUNT — (Gaily) — ^Of course, I'm as bad as you 
are — we're both, the Judge too — all three of us are in the 
class I have named here. — (Turns L. picks up magazine 
from round table) — ^'The Unburied Dead." — (Movement 
from Findley) — Oh ! my God — I 've only touched the idea 
in this article. Now I realize that I've stumbled on a great 
discovery. — (Crosses L. — to fireplace and smokes — reads) 
Dr. Osier nearly had it when he advocated chloroforming 
all men over forty. 

FINDLEY — Now you'd chloroform us — would you? 

DR. GAUNT— Well— that's not necessary. 

FINDLEY— Good. 



THREE WISE PvOOLS 



DR. GAUNT — Because we're already dead. — (Enter 
Gray from C. with two coffee cups and pot — places one cup 
of coffee on table L. picks up other cup ivalks back of Doc- 
tor and Findley places cup on table R. of Findley.) 

PINDLEY— Now look here ! 

DR. (}A\]1<\T— (Turning to Findley)— Yes, sir— deJid 
as luiitton — we have ceased — we have stopped — (Puts maga- 
zine on table crosses to Findley) — the wiieels of our machin- 
ery are still revolving, but only on the momentum of the 
past. We're resting on our achievements — we're living on 
what we have done and not what we are going to do. And 
worst of all — we're satisfied — (Dr. has returned to fire- 
place.) 

FINDLEY— My God, Dick, how you do love to talk. 
(Gray takes medicine frdm small table R. of Findley.) 

DR. GAUNT — (Doctor turns toivard mantle — looking 
in fire as Gray starts toivard door C.) 

FINDLEY — (Peering round the saucer) — Where's the 
sugar, Gray? 

GRAY — (Sadly) — In the saucer, Mr. Findley, as it 
always is. — (Exits C-) 

DR. GAUNT — (Crossing Center gaily) — There you 
have it! As it always is! Gray has sounded our dreary 
slogan — Ha, ha, ha ! — (Puts down pipe and picks up cof- 
fee cup where Gray left it on tahle-^stirs coffee, puts sugar 
in coffee and sits in settee front of table) — Teddy, there's 
a way out! Science has proved conclusively, thanks to 
Carrel, that cellular tissue can live on indefinitely; but it's 
our negative emotions which destroy us. Now if we could 
be trained to supply the sympathetic system with a high 
order of tonic emotion — there is no reason why the human 
family should not live on forever ! — (Drinks coffee.) 

FINDLEY — (Drinking his coffee at the same time) — 
Forever — eh — I thought you said we were dead!- 

DR. GAUNT — (Sipping his coffee) — Exactly — we 
need to be galvanized into life — throw off our chains, climb 
out of our ruts and roll among the buttercups ! — (Drinks 
to the last drop.) 

FINDLEY — (Puts down coffee on serving table — 
kindly) — ^^' Roll among the buttercups," don't you think 
it's time you went to hed, Dick? — (Returns to his game.) 

DR. GAUNT — (Shaking his head with a smile. Puts 
down cup back of him on table) — No, all we need is inspir- 
ation. 'Something ' ' to stab our spirits wide awake ! We 



12 THREE WISE FOOLS 

need youth — ^eolor — danger — excitement — revolution — pain 
will do — or riotous sin ! 

FINDLEY — (Stops card in air) — ^Sin — (Turns on 
him) — Now for the FIRST time you interest me ! — Lean- 
ing hack in his armchair) — What would you suggest ? 

♦ DR. GAUNT — Well, I'm rather vague about such 
matters, but I can imagine something wicked — (Dr. rises) 
Champagne, champagne out of a satin slipper — (Goes to 
Findley) — ^something red-headed! — (Kisses his fingers to 
the air.) 

FmBhEY— (Dryly)— You flatter yourself. 

(Gray enters from L. — again picking up the telephone.) 

Fl'SBh'EY— (Snarling)— What is it Gray? 

GRAY — (Holding telephone toivard him) — Mr. Gor- 
don on the telephone, sir. 

DR. GAUNT — Oh, Gordon. — (Crossing to L. of round 
table.) 

GRAY — He wants to know if he can see you tonight? 

FINDLEY— I've gone to bed. 

DR. GAUNT — (Picking up his journal )-^You mean 
to say you won 't see Gordon ? 

FINDLEY — I will not. I found a fine position for 
him yesterday, the chance of a lifetime ! Wired him to be 
in my office this morning — and this is the first time, I've 
heard from him. See him tonight, I should say not. — 
(Gray starts to speak in phone.) 

DR. GAUNT — (Quietly going to Gray) — Gray let me 
have that, please. — (Telephoning cheerfully — Gray gets cup 
from table goes C. — takes small table from R. of Findley — 
Exits C. with table. — Hello, Gordon, no, this is Dr. Gaunt, 
yes, he's here — come right over. Your uncle will be de- 
lighted to see you. 

FINDLEY — (Really angry) — Now look here you — 

DR. GAUNT — (Puts phone on table crossing to Find- 
ley. Interrupting him) — Listen Teddy — you'll lose that 
boy if you're not careful. That was an olive branch — 
accept it — use a little tact ! 

FINDLEY — (Returning to his game) — Tact be 
damned — what he needs is a club. 

DR. GAUNT — iPon my word — it's astonishing what 
idiots you successful men really are ! Here you are one of 
the richest men in the country, a power among men — yet, 
when it comes to simple human wisdom — you're a pitiful 
jackass, Teddy ! — (Starts down li.) 



THREE WISE FOOLS 13 

FINDLEY— Thank you! 

DR. GAUNT — (Turning to Findley with hack to audi- 
ence) — Well, look at you — here's your sister's boy — the 
only bit of flesh and blood left you in the world. The very 
apple of your eye — and what do you do — nag and perse- 
cute the boy morning, noon and night ! 

FINDLEY — 1 guess I know how to treat my own 
nephew ! 

DR. GAUNT — (Going to Findley) — A little encour- 
agement — a little affection would go a long way with him! 

FINDLEY — He's got too much money! 

DR. GAUNT— fLaz/^/t^;— Well that's not his fault! 

FINDLEY — Everyone spoils him but me — because he's 
rich doesn't mean that he's going to escape work. I've 
got a job ifor him — (Gray enters from R.) — he may wear a 
silk sweater — ^but I'm going to see that he sweats! — (Gray 
comes down R. with a card on a silver tray.) 

GRAY — ^Beg pardon sir — a detective sir ! — (Both start 
slightly. Findley looks first at Gray in sut'prise, and then 
at Gaunt.) 

FINDLEY— A what ! 

DR. GAUNT— A detective ^—('Dr. Gaunt crosses to 
Gray picks up card donning his glasses) — J. Poole, Police 
Headquarters ! 

FINDLEY— fTar^^i/j— Here let me see ihd.a— (Takes 
card from Gaunt and reads growling) — ^J. Poole, Police 
Headquarters ! 

DR. GAUNT^ — Oh, he proibably wants to see Judge 
Trumbull — something to do with the Court, I dare say ! 

GRAY — No, sir, he says he particularly wanted to 
see only Dr. Gaunt and you, Mr. Findlay. — Dr. Gaunt 
looks at Findley.) 

¥mV>ljWi— (Puzzled)— Kq ? 

DR. GAUNT — (Laughs) — Well, this is very interest- 
ing — show him in. Gray! — (Crosses to L. front of round 
table.) 

GRAY— Yes, ^\y.— (Exits Gray R.) 

FINDLEY — (Examining the card) — What does a de- 
tective want with us? 

DR. GAUNT — I don't know — (Laughing — sits on set- 
tee) — My conscience is clear ! 

FINDLEY— Umph ! 

DR. GAUNT — (Looking front) — A detective is 
charged with possibilities — (Looks at Findley) — already 



14 THREE WISE FOOLS 

he's doing you good! A missing spoon^ — disturbed your 
.sympathetic centres and now that mere piece of cardboard 
has thrown your entire involuntary system into a mad 
seething tumult of molecular vibrations. — (Takes handker- 
chief polishes glasses. Gray opens door R.) 

FINDLEY— Oh! for Heaven sakes—Bickl—fGray 
ushering in Mr. Poole, a quick, expressionless man, neatly 
dressedr — Gray stays in the room lingeringly eyeing Mr. 
Poole. Mr. Poole comes down stage to B.C. towards the 
two men. They watch him curiously. A short pause.) 

VOOIj^— (Bowing)— Ky. Findley! 

FINDLEY — (Leaning hack) — How do you know my 
name's Findley? 

POOLE — (With a meek smile) — I guess we know 
every financier in town, sir. 

FINDLEY — (Sourly) — You must have a vast ac- 
quaintance. 

POOLE — (Steps down R. a little) — There are not 
many in your class, Mr. Findley! It's a great honor to 
meet you too, Dr. Gaunt. 

DR. GAUNT — (Laughing — as he polishes his glasses) 
And so you 've detected me too ? 

POOLE — Yes, doctor? We all know of your great 
work at the Rockerfeller Institute and your discovery of — 

FINDLEY — (Interrupting him) — Well — er — er 

(Picks up card) — ^Mr. Poole, what is your business ? 

POOLE — {Glances at Gray) — What I've got to say is 
private. {Turns and looks at Gray. Findley turns with a 
questioning look to the doctor, who indicates Gray ivith a 
slight gesture of his glasses). 

FINDLEY— {U7iderstanding)—0h\ That will do, 
Gray! ■ 

GRAY — {Disappointed) — Yes, sir. — {Exits door R). 

POOLE — Your butler tells me Judge Trumbull has not 
come home yet. 

DR. GAUNT — No — ^he is usually detained at 'Court on 
Thursdays. Did you call to see him ? 

POOLE— No, that's just it. I DON'T want to see 
him. Commissioner Cornell asked me to try and see you 
gentlemen ALONE. You don't expect him in for a few 
minutes, do you ? 

FINDLEY— May I ask what the devil this is all about? 

POOLE — The Commissioner sent me here to tell you 
gentlemen — that — {in a lower tone) — ^pardon me a moment ! 



THREE WISE FOOLS 15 

(Goes up to door R. — opens and looks out to see no one is 
eavesdropping). , 

FINDLEY— (To Doctor)— What the . . . 

POOLE — {returning quietly) — That we are watching 
this house. 

DR. GAUNT— Eh? 

PINDLEY — (In surprise)— WhsiVs that? (Dr. rises 
going to L. of Findley.) 

POOLE — The orders are to watch this house day and 
night. 

PINDLEY— "Watch this house— what for? 

POOLE — ''Benny the Duck" has escaped! 

PINDLEY— ^Benny, the what? 

POOLE— ^'' Benny the Duck" sir — ^don't you remember 
him ? 

PINDLEY — {To Dr. Gaunt, angrily) — Do you know 
what he is talking about, Dick — Now why should I remem- 
ber "Benny the Duck"? 

POOLE — Why it was a very famous case, sir^ — tried 
before Judge Trumbull. "Beny the Duck" alias Benjamin 
Surratt. 

DR. GAUNT — Oh yes — I think I remember now — he — 
he- was a forger wasn't he? 

POOLE — Yes sir, he broke out of Atlanta prison two 
weeks ago, taking with him, John Crawshay — the bank em- 
bezzler. 

PINDLEY — {Surprised) — ^Crawshay — ^John 'Crawshay 
— I knew him well — went to college with him. 

POOLE — There's a big reward out for him, sir. The 
strange part of the case sir, is the friendship between the 
two men — for some reason, we can't make out. When 
Benny broke jail — he took Crawshay with him. Now that's 
very unusual — considering the type of the two men. 

PINDLEY — {Interrupting him tartly) — Without de- 
siring to appear abrupt, Mr. Poole, may I ask what all this 
has to do with placing a guard around our house ? 

POOLE — Why, Benny, has sworn to kill Judge Trum- 
bull on sight, sir. {They both start — Findley rises stands 
hack of table C.) 

DR. GAUNT— (Z7/i(^er his ftrea^/i)— Heavens! 

PINDLEY— Good God ! 

POOLE — You see sir, Judge Trumbull sentenced him 
— igave him twenty years and Benny swore the moment he'd 
get out he 'd get him ! 



16 THREE WISE FOOLS 



FINDLEY — And you say this Benny is in New York 
now ? 

POOLE— Yes, sir. 

FINDLEY — {anxiously) — Great Scott, we'd better 
warn the Judge at once — what's the number of the 

DR. QAUNT~{hurriedkj)—rn get it Teddy 

POOLE — Tliat's not necessary, gentlemen. One of our 
best men is watching every movement of Judge Trumbull— 
and I can assure you he's in no danger ,so long as he doesn't 
find out we're protecting him. 

FINDLEY — {Still standing)—Why the devil should 
he find out ! 

POOLE — If you remember the last time the Judge was 
attacked was because he objected to personal guards — if he 
knew about this the Commissioner's afraid he wouldn't al- 
low it. {Dr. and Findley exchange significant glances. 
The doctor nods). 

POOLE — ^So I hope I can depend upon you gentlemen 
to say nothing to Judge Trumbull, also you'll not let the 
servants know — ^^the house is being watched. 

DR. GAVNT— {Goes to L. C. Rings hell cord for ser- 
vant — then crosses R., looks out ivindow— curiously — deeply 
interested) — We will be discretion itself, Mr. Poole! 

POOLE — Thank you! {Gives Findley a police whis- 
tle) — Oh! you had better keep this police whistle near you 
at night, in case you should want us in a hurry, just blow on 
it twice! — {Stops himself as Gray appears) — I think that's 
all gentlemen ! — -good evening. {Goes to door R. C.) — G-ood 
evening. {Exit, followed hy Gray). 

DR. GAUNT — ^Good evening. {Ruhhing his chin — 
comes down, sits arm chair R.) — This is a queer business, 
Teddy — {Laughs to himself). 

FINDLEY — {Attaching the police ivhistle to his gold 
key chain, sits) — Yes, I'm afraid for Jimmy. I think we 
ought to tell him ! 

DR. GAUNT — Nonsense — we've had this fellow's assu- 
rance that Jimmy's in no personal danger. 

FINDLEY— Well I don't like it— makes me feel 
creeps! {Shudders). 

DR. GAUNT — {Laughingly) — Good — then Benny the 
Duck's a godsend ! He could coax you out of a lot of ruts ! 
'^Benny the Duck" — you know I'm beginning to like that 
fellow — He may be hiding in this house this very minute ! 



THREE WISE FOOLS VJ 

FINDLEY — {Looking around behind himself) — 
What's that? 

DR. GAUNT — He could easily mistake your room for 
the Judge's! 

FINDLEY— My room!! 

DR. GAUNT — {Oailij) — Imagine how it would seem. 
Headlines in the morning papers with a diagram of the 
house with crosses marked to show where your body was 
dragged ! 

FINDLEY — {Furious — turning with a roar) — "Will 
you dry up ? 

DR. GAUNT — {Laughs, sits iviping his glasses and his 
eyes). 

FINDLEY— (Lo^-^A- .9 ahout gingerly. The keys drop 
accidentally out of his hands with a loud noise, he gives a 
violent start — continues his game — then leans hack) — You 
know" that 's funny though about Crawshay — I always liked 
that fellow. He went South after he left college — and got 
into trouble down there. I never could believe that man 
was guilty! Never! — {Door slams off stage R. TJ. E. — 
Starts, spilling cards) — What's that! {Dr. Gaunt rises, 
starts uf to door R.) 

DR. GAUNT — Benny the Duck of course. (Laughs). 

FINDLEY— Be careful, Dick— don't go out there- 
don 't take any cliances — where 's that whistle"? {He looks 
ahout for it while all the while it is hanging in plain view 
on the end of his chain. He leaps to his feet as the dodr 
hangs open—^ENTER GORDON) . 

GORDON — {A clean cut young modern — ivhat is 
called a regular fellow^— in doorway) — Hello, folks! 

DR. GAUNT— Ah it's your prodigal! {Goes down R. 
chair L. of small tahle R.) 

FINDLEY— (;8'owr?2/)—Umph ! 

GORDON— (G^ai72/)— I though I'd just drift i^!— 
{Goes to ivindoiv R., looks out). 

FINDLEY — {Putting keys in pocket — then he sits — 
with sarcasm) — Drift — yes, that's the word for you! 

GORDON — {Crosses to R. of Findley — cheerfidly) — 
Uncle what's the matter around here — are you running a 
gambling house? 

FINDLEY— What the devil do you mean ? 

GORDON — Why, as I came in I thought I saw a sleuth 
standing in the areaway and when I was stopped on the. 



18 THREE WISE FOOLS 

steps and was given the ''once over" 'by a little man in a 
gray overeoat I was sure they were iPinkertons ! 

DR. GrAUNT — The house is being watched, Grordon ! 
{Findley starts new game). 

GORDON — {Takes a step towards the Doctor at R.) — - 
Great Scott. {Comes hack to Findley) — Uncle, what have 
you been doing? 

FINDLEY— Umph ! 

GORDON — {Returning to the doctor) — What's up, 
Doctor ? 

DR. GAUNT — Why — it seems that a dangerous crim- 
inal has escaped from prison and has threatened the life of 
Judge Trumbull! 

GOUBO'^— {Concerned)— no ? 

DR. GAUNT — '{Rising and crossing to L-) — ^^But we're 
told there's no cause for alarm — ^^they 're on the fellow's trail 
and the Judge is being closely guarded, but he mustn't know 
anything about this — they're afraid if he does he will put a 
stop to it ! {Picks up evening paper and settles into the sofa 
before the fire and reads.) 

GORDON— Well this IS thrilling ! 

FmBL^Y— {Testily)— IVs all attended to— all 
you've got to do is to remember to keep your mouth shut 
and say nothing to anybody ! Now, what brought yOu here ? 

GORDON — {Turning to Findley) — Your telegram! 

FINDLEY— You 're twelve hours too late ! 

GORDON— Why, I didn't get it, sir. 

FINDLEY — How did you know I sent you a telegram 
if you didn't get it? 

GORDON — (Controls his temper and speaks quietly) 
I mean, I didn't get it in time! 

FINDLEY — (Growling) — Why don't you say Avhat 
you mean. 

GORDON — I'm afraid I will in a minute. I found it 
when 1 got home this afternoon — it was sent to my old 
rooms. 

FINDLEY — (Settles hack in chair, stops playing) — 
Oh! So you've got new ones now. The old ones weren't 
luxurious enough, I suppose. 

GORDON — I don't know about that, sir. — (Turning 
front) — I know they weren't big enough for our parties! 

Fm^h^Y— (Hotly)— rn be damned if I'll ever be 
a guardian again. Here I 've got to manage your finances ; 
pay you your income — you're of age and I've no control 



THREE WISE FOOLS ^ 

over you and you can squander your life away and I can't 
say anything! If I had you in my office I'd break your 
back ! 

GORDON— fFo^/7/;— Don't you call that saying 
something ! 

FTNDLEY — Where were you 
yesterday ? 

GORDON — Out of town, sir. (Their voices mount 

FINDLEY — (Sneeringly) — almost in a quarrel) 
Something important, I dare say ! 

GORDON— It was, yes, sir. 

DR. GAUNT — (Speaking over his shoulder with a sly 
diplomacy) — Ah, yes — congratulations 'Gordon — I see here 
your team won ! They 've got your name in the head lines. 

FINDLEY — Huh! — (Rises goes over to Dr. Looks 
over his shoidder reading — turns sm^iling — stops, as he sees 
Gordon lookiyig at him. Makes a, sour grunt and returns C.) 
Huh! More of that confounded polo? — (Sits-) 

GORDON— No, I've quit polo ! 

FINDLEY — (Taking up his game again) — Thank 
heaven ! 

GORDON — Until next season — now really uncles this 
was important. The felows wired me to come up to college 
and help whip the football team into shape for the final 
game. 

FINDLEY — Well, I wired you to come to my office. 

GORDON — I told you, sir, I didn't get it in time. 

FINDLEY — (Producing an official looking envelope 
from a hlack wallet) — You give this letter to Mr. Scherman- 
horn in the Rapid Transit Department tomorrow morning 
and tell him you've come to work. — (Hands him letter) — 
Here ! 

GORDON — (Looks at letter and retreats a step) — 
You said I could have a six months' vacation if I got my 
degree. 

FINDLEY — I only made that fool offer because I 
thought you had too much decency to accept it. What's 
come over you? Are you going to stay an idler all your 
life — ^the trouble with you is you lack discipline, character, 
backbone ! 

QtOWDO^— (Ruefully)— I don't think I do! 

FINDLEY — (Turning on him) — Then why didn't you 
answer my telegram? 

GORDON — Because I didn't get it in time. 



20 THREE WISE FOOLS 

FINDLEY— I don't believe you. 

GORDON — (Striding to him hotly) — Now look here, 
Uncle — I 've never lied to you. 

FINDLEY — (Rise — in a loud toyie) — All right the 
job's still open — will you take it? — (Holdiyig out envelope 
comes a little tvay toward Gordon.) ■ 

GORDON— No, sir ! 

FINDLEY— You won 't ? 

GORDON— rW^^/^ all his force)— When I get ready 
to take a jo<b — I'll take it — but I won't be shoved into it. 

FINDLEY — (Throwing envelope down) — Er — ah — 
umph! Oh! AVhere the hell are the matches. 

GORDON — (Picks up matches gives them to Findley. 
Grimly) — Here, sir. 

FINDLEY— rC^/r/^^/y*— Thank you.— (Sits C. hack of 
table.) 

GORDON — Now you say I don't do anything — why 
I've coached the best team the college ever had — 

FINDLEY — (Removing cigar from mouth) — That's 
plav — not work ! 

" GORDON— You try it, sir! 

FINDLEY — True education is in learning to do the 
thing you don't want to do at the time you don't want to 
do it ... a real man has got to know what it means to get 
down on his ham bones and sweat and you'll never amount 
to anything until 3^ou can stand up on your two hind legs 
and say no with conviction and go to hell and mean it ! 

GORDON— ("i^r^^/y;— That's just what I am saying. 

FINDLEY — (Turning as in his chair) — ^You mean 
you're saving that to me? 

GORDON— Yes, I'm doing what you WANT ME TO 
DO and you don't like it! I'm saying no with conviction 
— and — all the rest of it. 

Fl^DJj^Y— (About to rise)— Why, you— 

GORDON — (Staying him by his attitude) — Now 
you're angry because I don't see things your way! 

FINDLEY — (Pushing his chair back) — Well, how do 
you see it — will you tell me that ? 

GORDON— W^ell— I— I've figured it out this wa}^— 

FINDLEY — (Almost singing his sarcasm. Crossing 
his legs — sivinging a foot) — Oh, he's figured it out! 

GORDON— Why should I work and slave to acumulate 
more of what I've got too much of already. — (Findley 
grunts) — I can never spend the money I've got if I live to 



THREE WISE FOOLS 21 

be a hundred. You and I have no right to work, Uncle — 
why we're keeping jobs from people who need 'em. 

FINDLEY — (In real disgust — collapsing in his chair) 
Oh, my God ! — (See Doctor laughing to himself.) 

GORDON — Now if I could find some work I liked — 
something that wouldn't bring in any money you know — 
I'd be glad to work — ^hard. — (Dotor rises goes up L. and 
comes L. of Findley.) 

DR. GAUNT— Now— Teddy— don't you ^^^—(Warm- 
ing him silent-) 

FlNBh^E^Y— (White with rage}— All right ! Allright ! 
Allright! All right. He's said enough! I take my oath — 
(Puts letter hack in wallet, then in his pocket) — You'll 
never hear from me again! I've done my best — now I'm 
through. In the futur^ you can do anything you damn 
please. 

aOUDON~( Hotly)— And I certainly will! 

FlNBh^Y— (Roaring) — Now get out!! — (Gordon 
shocked to his senses — stands a moment luatching him. A 
pause — hotli relent — Findley continues solitaire. Gordon 
stands irresolute looking at him shyly.) 

DR. GAUNT — (Who has been quietly watching these 
two, has wandered down L. of Findley a?id has heen pre- 
tending to watch his game, gently leaning over and points 
to card ivith a simile) — Teddy, one doesn't put a red tray 
on a black queen ! 

J^INDLEY — (Changing it) — Umph ! — (Gordon turns 
quickly and goes to windoiv — picks up coat and hat and 
starts for door — Findley in pantomime shows his regret — 
he is longing to call the hoy hack. He sits still, a card^ 
poised in air — all ears — and luatching Gordon out of the 
corner of his eye. Gordon returns — Findley pretends to 
continue his game. Gordon stands heside him.) 

GORDON — I; — I'm going now, Uncle — (Holds out 
hand. Findley pays no attention — continues game.) — Shall 
— shall we shake hands first ! 

FINDLEY — ( Ashamed to relent — gives Gordon a short 
shake with the tips of his fingers and pretends to continue 
his game. Gordon goes to door — Findlay would give any- 
thing to call him hack hut is ashamed to. Dr. Gaunt stops 
Gordon.) 

DR. GAUNT — (Carelessly) — Gordon — w^on't you stay 
awhile and talk with me? 



22 THREE WISE FOOLS 

GORDON — (Pauses irresolutely) — ^I— I'd like to, Doc- 
tor, if Uncle wouldn't object? — (Both look at Findley wJio 
continues playing.) 

DR. GrAUNT — Oibject — why nonsense — ^This is my 
house also — (Realizing that Findley isn't going to speak 
says quickly) — Your uncle only represents a one third in- 
terest in this establishment. 

GORDON — But if he doesn't want me here. 

DR. GAUNT — Doesn't want you here, Gordon — It 
may interest you to know, that if you took your uncle at his 
word and left us — it would break his heart. So come back 
here and sit down ! — (Taking away his hat and coat which 
he puts in chair near window. Gordon pushes chair down 
stage and sits. Findley promptly swings chair so its hack 
is to Gordon. He also turns the table around. Gordon — 
rises in anger. But the Doctor speaks and stops him from 
going. Pushing him down in his seat. Gordon looks over 
at his uncle.) 

DR. GAUNT — I 've got something here, I want to show 
you — (Goes to cabinet L. of door R. and brings down an 
old family album. Findley glances over at him — and at the 
Doctor. Pretends to play.) 

DR. GAUNT — (fjp stage) — Gordon, you don'-t under- 
stand your uncle. — (Takes album from bookcase) — He's 
only afraid you're going to waste your life. But I'm not. 
(Comes doivn R. of Gordon.) 

GORDON — Well, you're different — you're a man of 
sense! — (Gives a meaning look at Findley — Findley half 
glances at Mm.) 

DR. GAVISIT— (Looking at Findley )— Thank you ! I 
have complete faith in you — (Takes chair from R. sits close 
beside Gordon R.) — 'Pew men dare stand up to that pro- 
fane old wolf. — (Nods at Findley) — as you do — ^that's 
something to your credit ! — (Pause — unfastening buckles 
on album) — Gordon, do you see that cold piece of human 
clay sitting over there? — (Gordon nods but doesn't look) — 
Take a good look at him. For there you sit forty years 
from now. — (Gordon looks at Findley-) 

DR. GAUNT — At your age, he was exactly like you — 
only wilder ! 

GORDON— Wilder! 

DR. GAUNT — Yes, and as a phsyco analyst I can tell 
you that forty years from now you will have the same hab- 
its — ^^the same body and face and temper and be settled in 



THREE WISE FOOLS 23 

the same ruts as that terrible result of a well ordered life 
— sitting over there stewing in his own iniquity ! — (Opens 
album on his knees) — If you don't believe me — ^^here's doc- 
umentary evidence — (Gives Gordon album) — a photograph 
of the three of us taken at your age! — (Pointing to each 
picture) — Your uncle, Judge Trumbull and myself. 

GORDON — (Gordon bursts out laughing — Dr. looks 
at him)— I beg your 'pardon. It's awfully good really. — 
(Gordon again bursts out laughing.) 

DR. GAUNT — (Seriously) — Don't you notice a re- 
semblance to your uncle there and yourself. 

GORDON — (Laughing ruefully) — Oh ! come now doc- 
tor ! 

DR. GAUNT— Yes, you're a chip of that old block. 

GORDON — (Suddenly interested — pointing in book) 
Doctor, what's that thing? 

DR. a A\]^T— (Bending over to see;— What thing? 

GORDON— There ! 

DR. GAUNT— Where?— rPw^^in^ on glasses.) 

GORDON— On Uncle's head! 

DR. GAUNT — (Looking at album gravely) — That's 
his hat ! — (Puts glasses away.) 

GORDON — Oh! — (Examini^ig) — Why what's written 
here — Athos — iPorthos — Aramis ! 

DR. GAUNT — (Leaning back in chair proudly) — The 
three musketeers. 

GORDON— You i\iYQQl~( Looks at Dr. then at Find- 
ley — then at picture — then front smothering another 
laugh.).) 

DR. Q^AV^T—Yq^.— (Looking out front.) 

GORDON — (Turning over another page) — I say who's 
the peach ? 

DR. GAUNT — (Rises — looks at Findley then at Gor- 
don turns away to window) — Rena Fairchild. 

GORDON — iShe's a pippin — Doctor! — (Takes chair 
puts it below window R. Turns pages) — Why here are 
some more pictures of her — why the whole book's full of 
her. — (Loks up at Dr. Gaunt.) 

DR. GAUNT— (Turns looks at Gordon then at Find- 
ley and back at Gordon. Quietly) — 'Gordon — ^have you ever 
been in love ? 

GORDON — (Looking at pictures carelessly) — Oh — 
hundreds of times I 

DR. GAUNT— f>SfmiZes;— Hundreds— H'm! That's 



24 THREE WISE FOOLS 

interesting — and yet in all your twenty odd years you nev- 
er thought of marriage ? 

GORDON — (Looks at Findley) — Oh! I've never been 
seriously in love. 

DR. GAUNT— Well— we have. 

GORDON— We f 

DR. GAUNT — Yes, your uncle, Judge Trumbull and I. 

GORDON — (Looking at Dr.J-^Oh ! the three musket- 
eers ? 

DR. GAUNT— fiVod^; — Yes, and all with the same 
girl. — (Indicates the picture.) 

GORDON — (Looks at Dr., then at Findley, then at 
alhii\m) — One for all and all for one, eh? Weren't there 
enough girls to go 'round in your day ? 

DR. GAUNT— Not like "Rensi.— (Pause)— Gordon, the 
original of these pictures was the cause of our first meet- 
ing. 

GO^T)0'M—( Looking at picture) — Not really. 

DR. GAUNT— fiVods;— We all admired her, all fell 
desperately in love with her. It was at her house we three 
met for the first time — all hated rivals. 

GORDON — And she turned you down. 

DR. GAUNT — (Surprised) — How did you know that ! 

GORDON — Why — er — look Doctor, could you blame 
her! — (Holds up the album at the picture of the three 
musketeers. Dr. returns the album to cabinet rear — Find- 
ley looks angry at this. The Doctor is quite grave. Gor- 
don sobers in an instant. To Doctor in a low and humble 
voice) — ^I beg your pardon — (Rises) — I didn't mean to 
make fun I shouldn't have laughed. 

DR. GAUNT — (At bookcase) — Why not — laugh away! 
I don't blame you, Gordon. — (Coming down B. of Findley) 
You're not the first who has laughed at us. Anyone who 
had not lived our story would think it absurd — comic — 
(Looks at Findley) — We were never much at ibeing ladies 
men and I suppose our one experience cured us of matri- 
mony — (To Findley) — ^or perhaps we were just born bach- 
elors. 

GORDON — Well — what became of her. — (Grossing to 
L. of Doctor.) 

. DR. GAUNT — We never knew — (Grossing doivn L.) 
she disappeared completely out of our lives — (Looks at pic- 
ture over mantle L. then goes to it — ^Sometimes the world 
can be a large place ! 



THREE WISE FOOLS 25 

GORDON— (Looking /ron^— Yes— that's right.— 
(Embarrassed — looks at Findley) — I guess I'd 'better be 
going, — I — (Crosses up R. of door R. — get coat and hat.) 

GRAY — The Judge is home, Mr. Findley. — (Moves 
chair hack of table C. up to L. or arch C. — takes card table 
goes out door up R. after Judge enters. Gordon places 
hat and coat in chair Gray has moved up L. of C.) 

DR. AND Fl]<iDh^Y— (Findley crosses front of table 
L.) — Oh! Jimmy — (As he enters) — Oh! Jimmy! Hello, 
Jimmy. 

JUDGE — (Taking off gloves and coat his hat still on) 
I'm glad you're both home, boys — I've heen wanting to see 
you all day. 

GORDON — (Coming R. of Judge) — Good evening, 
Judge. — (Findley and the Dr. exchange glances.) 

JUDGE — Ah, Gordon — er- — Gordon — would you mind 
leaving me alone with your unle and the Doctor for a min- 
ute ! 

GORDON — Why, I was just going anyway, sir. 

JUDGED — Oh — No — No. Don't run away.— (Enter 
Gray co\mes R. of Judge) — Just step into the library for 
just a minute, like a good fellow. 

GORDON — Why, certainly, sir. — (Goes off into library 
door up L. b.) 

GRAY — (As Judge is about to speak to Dr. and 
Findley) — ^There's been a woman here to see you, she's 
called twice this afternoon. — (Removing hat and giving coat 
to Gray.) 

JUDGE — (Pause) — Oh ! That poor woman again — 

FINDLEY— What woman? 

JUDGE — She wants to plead for her wretched hus- 
band ! I sentenced him last week — well let her in if she 
comes. 

GRAY — Yes, sir. — (Exit up R. judge goes to C. rather 
gravely.) 

FINDLEY — (Coming around back of Judge and to R. 
of him. Nervously.) — ^Jimmy, you're not yourself tonight 
— ^something's happened! 

JUDGE— rG^rim/^;— Yes ! 

FINDLEY— Oh ! Then you know about the— 

JUDGE — (Surprised — looking from one to the other) 
Why — did you ? 

DR. GAUNT— Yes. 

JUDGE— f To Dr.)—0\Y\ Then the boV is here? 



26 THREE WISE FOOLS 

¥mi)h^Y— (Surprised)— Boy ! 

JUDGE — (Gravely) — Ah — then you don't know. 

FINDLE Y— What is it, Jimmy ? 

JUDGE — (Puts hands on their shoulders) — Boys, 
she's dead. 

FINDLEY— Rena ! 

DR. GAUNT— Rena ! 

JUDGE — She died — in abject poverty — (Cross to L. 
and sits on stool front of table — moved) — alone ! 

DR. GAUNT — (Deeply moved — shaking his head) — 
What a life — what a tragedy! — (Cross up L.C.) 

JUDGE — It seems she'd married and had a child! 
Here is how the news — (Findley goes up gets chair sits 
L.C. — Doctor sits on table behind them) — reached me on an 
old piece of wrapping paper, written in pencil. — (Adjusts 
glasses. Reads very slowly) — Althos — ^^Perthos — Aramis — 
old friends! — (Reminisceyit — looks slowly at each of them) 
I am dying, I blame no one but myself. I am in no posi- 
tion to help my child — so I turn to you three, the best, the 
most chivalrous men I have ever known to ask for help. 
If you will do this for me, I will rest in peace ; and if there 
is a great beyond, I will pray for you always. For the 
sake of the old days, help and forgive in your hearts, yours 
in despair, Rena!" — (Dr. rises and goes up L.C. and then 
down L. round sofa.) 

FINDLEY — What is it she wants us to do Jimmy ? 

JUDGE — There's a will. — (Dr. sits on settee arm) — 
I, Rena Fairchild, hereby say that this is my last will and 
testament. I do not know if this is legal, as I have no one 
to advise me, but I solemnly bequeath to my three ^ old 
friends. Theodore Findley, Richard Gaunt and Jahies 
Trumbull in equal shares the only thing I have in the world 
— my beloved child, Sidney. — (Signed) Rena Fairchild. 

FINDLEY — You mean to say that we've been left a 
boy? 

JUDGE — We have. Rena turned to us in the end — 
after all these years ! — (Dr. takes papers from Judge.) 

FINDLEY— Well— can one be left a child like an old 
farm or old furniture or silver — 

JUDGE — A nice point of law — I'm not so sure it 
mightn't furnish grounds for our becoming his legal guar- 
dians. 

DR. GAUNT — (Who has been examining papers) — I 
doubt if we ever see this child! 



THREE WISE FOOLS 27 

JUDGE— Nonsense! 

DR. GAUNT — Why these are dated three months ago. 
(Returns papers to Judge.) 

JUDGE — Exactly but the fact that the letter was 
mailed last night — indicates they intend to send the boy 
here to us — (Folds up letter — puts it in envelope) — Well — 
boys — what do you say? 

DR. GAUNT — Rena's child — why — there's no ques- 
tion. We must do everything in the world for him. — (Both 
look at Findley.) 

FINDLEY — Yes. We must give him everything that 
money CAN buy ! 

JUDGE — (Rises) — I knew yoa'd feel that way,^ 
boys! — (Goes to C. going hetiveen Findley and tahleL.) — 
Teddy, you'd better tell Mrs. Saunders we'll use the Blue 
Room for the Nursery ! 

I)Ii.GA\J^T—( Laughi7ig)—llsil Ha! Good! 
FINDLEY — (Dismayed — in horror) — My God — 
you're not going to have him in the house? 
DR. GAUNT— Why not? 

FINDLEY — Why not — oh come now — talk sense — I 
am willing to do as much as either of you fellows — more for 
that matter — but — (Rises) — surely we don't want a noisy 
messy youngster upsetting our lives — changing the order 
of things here ! — (Goes C. Judge goes R. front of table R.) 

DR. GAUNT — Changing the order of things ! — (Clap- 
ping his hands) — ^Splendid ! That's just what we need — 
(Rises — crossing to Fifidley) — and Teddy it will get you 
out of a lot of these — 

FINDLEY — Damn ruts — (Dr. and Judge laugh) — 
will you please stop that noise for a minute and talk 
sense. We don't want the boy here — ^^in the house. Now 
that's the way I feel about it. 

GORDON— r^wocA: on door.) 

JUDGE— Come in. 

GORDON — (Coming down stairs and to Judge who is 
R.) — Excuse me, but that's the longest minute I ever met 
— I feel like Rip Van Winkle ! 

JUDGE — Gordon — I beg your pardon — I quite for- 
got you ! 

GORDON — Oh don't mind me — I just didn't want 
to miss my youth ; that 's all. \ 



28 THREE WISE FOOLS 

DR. GAUNT — (Laughing, X. in to C. to Findley, he- 
tween Gordon and Findley J^^Jioys suppose we let Gordon 
decide for us ! 

FINDLEY — ^Bosch! — (Judge X. into Dr., between 
Gordon and Dr.) 

JUDGE— I agree with Diek— 

DR. Q^AJJ^'T— (Turning to Findley)— Yes— amd if 
Gordon 'goes against you — Teddy — you lose ! 

JUDGE — Gordon, an old friend of ours — a dear friend 
has left us an infant boy to take care of. Now we want 
you to help our decision ! 

DR. GAUNT — (Findley goes L. rear, picks np evening 
paper) — It's Rena's child, Gordon. 

GORDON — You mean? — (Looks over at album in 
cahinet.) 

DR. GAUNT— r>S^ic^»i/ica«^?;?/;— Yes! Your uncle 
Teddy is against our bringing the bov into the house. 

aom)01<^—( emphatically )—l^\\Qn I'm for \\\—(Dr. 
and Judge laugh.) 

FINDLEY — Of course you would be! — (Slamming 
doivn the neivspaper in fury — goes up Ij. then down C. be- 
tween Dr. and Judge.) — All right! Since he won't take 
the job I've offered — I suggest we make over our shares 
in the will and turn the child over to Gordon. 

GORDON— Oh, I sav ! 

JUDGE— Why not? 

DR. GAUNT — Right! — (Gordon laughs — Gray enters 
— stand R. of Gordon.) 

GRAY — Beg pardon, sir ! That woman is here again. 

JUDGE— Oh, yes— (With a sigh)— Well, I suppose I 
shall have to see her l-r-(Nods to Gray, who retires up to 
door R. opens door, waits at L. of door R.) 

FINDLEY — For Heaven's sake! don't bring her in 
here. I hate scenes: 

JUDGE — Then why don't you go into the library?, — 
(Turns L. and works up to mantle — looking into the fire — 
Dr. returns to table and picks up journal. Gordon goes to 
ivindow idly looking out.) 

FINDLEY — Whv don't vou go into the library your- 
self? 

JUDGE — All right — (Goes up to Findley. — A young 
girl enters — she stares at Gray and comes into the room — 
overcome by the strangeness of the place. She is shahby 
and down at the heel. She mistakes the Dr. for the Judge 



THREE WISE >X)OLS^ 29 

and comes to him — a very beautiful aihd appealing figure.) 
SIDNEY — Good evening. — (Judge comes down C. to 

R. of Sidney.) 

DR. GAUNT— How do you do ? 
SIDNEY — Are you Judge Trumbull. 

JUDGE — (Coming up behind her R.) — I am Judge 
Trumbull. — (Shakes his head which stops her talking — 
Gently — with authority )—l am very sorry my poor girl — 
deeply sorry — ^but I can do nothing for you — sentence has 
been passed ! 

SIDNEY— Then it's no m^qI— (Starts up C. stops. 
Dr. sits with liis back to C.) 

JUDGE — Sometimes its true kindness to be stern! I 
can do nothing for your husband^ — he is in the hands of 
the Federal Law. 

SIDNEY — Husband — I have no husband! — (Findley 
and Dr. turn and look at her.) 

JUDGE — (With a start — Gordon stares at her — comes 
above table R.) — What is this? Didn't you come to plead 
his cause? 

SIDNEY — No, sir — I came about a will — (Doctor 
stands and looks up) — Didn't you receive a will. 

JUDGE— Mrs. Fairchild's will? 

SIDNEY— Yes, sir. 

JUDGE — Oh then the boy's in your charge — where 
is he? 

SIDNEY— rPM^^^ec^;— Boy ? 

JUDGE — Yes — where is this Sidney Fairchild? 

SIDNEY — (With dignity) — I am Sidney Fairchild! 
(Dr. rises puts magazine on table — Findley crosses back of 
table and R. of it. — All astonished — start,) 

Fmi)ljEY—(Puzzhd— scratching his head)— What 
then you 're not a boy ? 

SmiS^EY— (Wistfully. To Findley.)— ^o, siT—(Did 
you want a boy ? 

FI^J^IjEY— (Emphatically) — We certainly did not — 
but w^e were expecting an infant. — (Goes up L. — to fire- 
place.) 

DR. GAUNT — (Crossing to Sidney. Gently.) — You 
see we'd forgotten w^e had all grown old. 

JUDGE— But .why didn't you come to us before, Sid- 
ney. 

SIDNEY — I onlv reached New^ York last night. 



30 THREE WI.SE FOOLS 

JUDGE — But your mother's letter — ^^was written three 
months ago. 

SIDNEY — I didn't want to send that at all. I only 
tused it now in the hope that you would consent to see me. 
I — well — I'm trying to study law, Judge Trumbull. — (The 
Dr. and Judge look at each other.) 

JUDGrE — (Smiling) — Oh — are you really? 

SIDNEY — Yes, and I thought — that is I hoped there 
might be some kind of work I could do for you. 

JUDGE — Work? There's no question of work — 
you've been willed to us. 

SIDNEY — But the will isn't legal; I couldn't make 
mother understand — 

JUDGE — Have no fear, your mother was right. It 
is the soundest of all law. Why it 's what makes the world 
go round. 

SIDNEY — But I must keep on with my studying, I 
must somehow — 

JUDGE — -Well, in that case you may consider your- 
self engaged. 

SIDNEY — Then there is something I an do for you? 

JUDGE — We'll go into that very carefully later. In 
the meantime this is your home and welcome. 

DR. GAUNT — (Taking her hands) — Welcome. — (A 
pause — as all look at Findley — he swallows his disgust at 
the thought of a girl in the home.) 

FINDLEY — (Sourly) — Welcome ! — (Goes rear, hored 
and upset — takes out ivatch compares it with clock. Gor- 
don starts down R. crosses to C. stands facing Sidney.) 

SIDNEY — (Eyes full) — You mean — you mean — you 
want me to live here — ^that you want me to — (Turns and 
sees Gordon, who has dropped down B. of G. — there is a 
pause — and he goes to her.) 

GORDON — Miss Fairchild — it doesn't make the 
slightest difference whether they want you or not, they've 
made over the will to me, I'm your guardian. It's quite 
all right. 

FINDLEY— Oh, keep quiet. 
Get away. 

DR. GAUNT— Gordon, don't 
be silly. (All together.) 

JUDGE— (^To Sidney)— Go 
away, Gordon — ^of course we want 
you. 



THREE WISE FOOLS 31 

SIDNEY — Oh! you're all so dear — (Sivays, Gaunt 
catches her.) 

GORDON— Look out, she's fainting— (^Ad lib.) 

DR. GAUNT— Here— Gordon— a ahair.—fGoes up left 
of C. gets chair quickly , hrings it doivn C — the Judge and 
Dr. catch her and put her in the chair Gordon has brought 
down — Judge runs across R. and opens the window and 
parts the curtains.) 

SIDNEY — Oh, I'm allright, thanks. — (Findley goes 
up L.C. pulls hell.) 

FINDLEY — (As Gray enters from door right- — in 
in bored voice) — Get Saunders ! — (Gray exits L-) 

SIDNEY— Oh, please don't trouble. Please don't! 

DR. GAUNT — There, there, dear — there's nothing to 
'be alarmed about, only you're all tired out, and you need 
a good rest. 

FINDLEY — (Bored — Coming into C.) — ^Can I do any- 
thing?. 

GORDON — (Turning to him) — Yes, sir, you can give 
me that letter. 

Fm'DLEY—Wh3it1—( Produces ivallet— takes out let- 
ter and hands it to Gordon.) 

GORDON— To Mr. Rapid Transit Department— I'll 
be at his office to-morrow morning by eleven o'clock if I 
have to sit up all night to make it. I've got responsibili- 
ties now ! 

DR. GAUNT— Oh! Gordon, keep qm^i.— (Gordon 
goes up C.) — I'm Dr. Gaunt, Sidney. 

'^ID^Wl— (Softly)— 0\ you are Aramis. 

DR. QiAJ]'^l^—( Delighted—laughing)—^ oil. Ha- 
ha — ha — (laugh delightfully) — Yes, and this is Mr. Find- 
ley. 

SIDNEY — (Looking up at him) — »Porthos ! 

DR. GAUNT — Yes, and the Judge was Athos ! 

SIDNEY— Yes. 

GORDON — (Coming down R. of Sidney) — And now 
I'm going to join the group — just all me D'Artagan! — 
(All chase him hack C.L.) 

FINDLEY — Just a moment now. 

DR. GAUNT — Now Sidney — your doctor — (Enter 
Gray from L. crosses to door up R.) — has strict orders for 
you. Are you willing to obey them? 

SIDNEY— Yes, sir! 



32 THREE WISE FOOLS 

DR. 'GAUNT — Very well — •then not another word to- 
night — (Enter Saunders from L. comes down B. of round 
tcvhle) — ^You need a good rest and I prescribe (bed in large 
doses 

SAUNDERS— Did you want me, sir? 

DR. GAUNT — Oh, yes, iSaunders. Saunders this is 
Miss Sidney Fairchild. 'She's going to live with us. — 
('Gray looks surprised and exits R. Saunders looks at^ 
Findley quite amazed — taking a half step backward.) 

SAUNDERS — Yes, sir, very happy, Miss, I'm sure. 

^IB^EY— (Smiles at herJ—Thamk you. 

DR. GAUNT— Now Saunders. 

SAUNDERS— Yes, sir. 

DR. GAUNT— Miss Sidney '« very tired— (Takes hat 
from table, hands it to Saunders) — take her up to the blue 
room and see that she's made very comfortable. 

SAUNDERS — 'Come with me, Miss. — (Sidney rises.) 

JUDGE — (Extending his arms to her) — Good night, 
iSidney. — (Kisses her on forehead — Gray enters from up 
B. gives Saunders two hags — exits C.) 

SIDNEY— Good night, sir. 

DR. GAUNT — ^Good night, Sidney. — (She goes to him 
and he kisses her on the forehead — then remembering Find- 
ley — turns and looks at him — he regards her with embar- 
rassment.) 

SIDNEY — (Going to him, sloivly) — ^^Good night. Mr. 
Findley. — (He looks at her — glances sheepishly at the 
others — who smile behind their hands. This settles him — 
he then stoops over and kisses her awkwardly on lips — she 
looks up into his face and smiles.) 

FINDLEY — (Sincerely and deeply moved — bowing re- 
peatedly and shyly) — Good night — ^Sidney. — (She turns to 
stairs again.) 

GORDON — (Goes to her suddenly) — Good night, Sid- 
ney — (He waits as if expecting her to put up her face to 
be kissed — Sidney looks at him em/barrassed.) 

SIDNEY — Good night. — (Turns away.) 

SAUNDERS — 'Come dear — (Leads way upstairs.) 

DR. GAUNT — (When Sidney's on the first landing) — 
And Saunders — after you've tucked Miss Sidney in, you 
may give her an apple and a cup of hot water, just as 
Gray gives us. — (Saunders starts second flight.) — Yes, sir. 

GORDON — (Turning to Doctor) — Apple and hot wa- 
ter — why not hot chocolate ? 



THREE WISE FOOLS 33 

DR. GAUNT — No — no. Too rich, 'but she may have a 
cup of hot cocoa, if she prefers it. 

GORDON — (To Saunders) — AVith whipped cream, 
SauTiders. 

DR. GAUNT— No. With hot milk, Saunders. 

SAUNDERS— Yes, sh\^(Siarts upstairs.) 

DR. GAUNT — Oh and Saunders — she is not to talk 
to you — that is very important. 

SAUNDERS — Yes, sir — (To Sidney) — Now you come 
right along dear, and 'Saunders will — 

FTNDLEY — (Crossing from R. to L. front of table) — 
And Saunders you're not to talk to her — that's more im- 
portant. — (Saunders goes out — Sidney — turns — stops at 
the top of stairs and looks at them a moment.) 

SIDNEY — Good night !— 
(Turns and goes out.) 

FINDLEY— Good night dear ! 

DR. GAUNT— A good night's 
sleep. 

JUDGE— Good nidit child ! 

DR. iGAUNT— Good night (All together at foot 
sweet dreams! Now go right to of stairs waving at 
bed. her.) 

FINDLEY — (Wafming)-— 
Have a good sleep I 

DR. GAUNT— Good night, 
Sidney. — (They all turn — chuck- 
ling and laughing — Findley rather 
foolish.) 

JUDGE — (Taking chair from R. of table L. down 
stage) — Well, let's talk this over. — (Gordon comes down C.) 

DR. GAUNT — This is amazing — (Come clown sits on 
stool front of table. Gordon gets hat and coat from L. of 
C.) — it's happened so suddenly I'm quite dazed. 

FINDLEY— r>Sfif.9 in chair Cj- Yes— you can't help 
liking the little thing somehow. 

JUDGE — Now we must settle upon some plan of ac- 
tion ! 

GORDON— Yes— fi^ro/iO— that's the thing for us to 
do! 

¥mDljWf— (Turning on /n'mj- You'll find Mr. 
Schermahorn in his office at 9 o'clock. 

GORDON— I'll be there. 



34 THREE WISE FOOLS 

FINDLEY — Well go home and go to -bed so you'll be 
awake when you get there. 

OOEDON — (Going to door up R.) — you're right, un- 
cle. 

FINDLEY— What? 

GORDON — You can't help liking this little thing 
somehow I— (Exits door up R.) 

JUDGE — Now this meeting can come to order. 

FINDLEY — Yes, we must think what's to be done. 

DR. GAUNT — Ye^. Now, the very first thing you got 
to do Teddy, is to eliminate all vile language. 

FINDLEY — You mean to insinuate that I'm in the 
habit of using bad language. — (Warning for clock on hell.) 

DR. GAUNT — (A^mazed) — Good gracious don't you 
know you do ? 

JUDGE — (Equally amazed) — Yes, Teddy — don't you 
know you do ? 

FINDLEY — (Looking from one to the other) — Well, 
I'll change it. 

DR. GAUNT — (Anxiously) — Do you think you can, 
Teddy ? 

FINDLEY — Do I think I can. Of course I can — why 
the hell — why shouldn't I? 

JUDGE — Now for the next point— (^Ci^ocA' — bell booms 
once — the half hour — Douglas opens door. Gray enters 
from dining room with apples and hot water on tray-) 

GRAY — It's bedtime, gentlemen! — (They all ivinding 
their watches together gravely. Crosses to windoiv and 
closes it.) — Your apples and hot water. 

JUDGE — This meeting is adjourned until breakfast — 
(Rise puts chair L. of door C.) 

DR. GAUNT — (Rises) — Why I had no idea it was so 
late. — (Takes cup and apple goes to foot of stairs.) 

FINDLEY — (Rises) — Where has the time gone to ? — 
(Goes to table gets apples and tvater) — I know I won'.t 
sleep a damn wink. 

DR. GAU1<IT~( Turning at foot of stairs)— Teddy !— 
(Judge turns at looks at him.) 

FINDLEY— Well, she didn't hear me. What the 
hell's the difference ! 

DR. GAUNT — ^Good night Gray — (Upstairs — and out 
libray^y door. Turns looks at door then at Judge and Find- 
ley and exit.) 

GRAY — Good night, sir. — (Closing curtains.) 



THREE WISE FOOLS 35 

FINDLEY — (Pauses on landing looking upstairs hack 
to audience-) — ^Grood night, Gray ! 

GRAY — Good night, sir. — (Puts out first lamp.) 

JUDGE — (Goes up stairs — Gray switches out lights 
at switch up L.C.) — Good night. Gray — (Exit Judge leav- 
ing door open.) 

GRAY — Good night, sir. — (Gray puts out lamp leav- 
ing room in darkness hut for the light from library door.) 

GRAY — (Going up the stairs — wagging his head he- 
wilderedly — to himself.) — My ! My ! My ! 

VERY SLOW CURTAIN. 



36 THREE WISE FOOLS 

ACT II. 
TIME— Four weeks later. 
The room is transformed as if by magic. 
It has grown younger. 

Spring has taken possession. Every howl and vase is 
hursting with flowers — in pots and howls. 

Douglas takes vase over to window R., comes hack to 
B.C. goes up R.C. They have changed the room into a gar- 
den. The only change in the furniture is a new acquisi- 
tion in the shape of a small writing desk center — rear, on 
which is a line of law hooks and a typewriter. The dainty 
Sheritan tdhle has heen placed in the center of the room; 
four places are set and four champagne glasses wait upon 
a tray. 

A small settee is now at R. instead of tahle and arm- 
chair. 

As the Curtain rises all the flowers are in place hut one 
or two pots. DOUGLAS and MRS. SAUNDERS are scur- 
rying like mad placing them ahout. 

SAUNDERS ivho is C. goes up L. 

DOUGLAS — Where does this go ? — (Holding a pot of 
floivers in Jiis hands.) 

SAUNDERS — (Consulting a paper on ivhich is a dia- 
gram) — Oh lord — what did he say? Oh there on Miss 
Sidney's desk. 

DOUGLAS— There, is that all? 

SAUNDERS — Yes, I think that's the way he wants it. 
I suppose the safest way would be for you to go to the din- 
ing room and ask him to come and see if everything's all 
right. — (He starts for the douhle doors.) — Not that way. 
Go by the hall and be terribly careful when you speak to 
him that Miss Sidney doesn't suspect anything — if she 
should find out before they want her to — they'd murder 
us. 

DOUGLAS— Yes— I will. 

SAUNDERS— That's right, Douglas.— ("i^/xi^ quickly.) 

MRS. SAUNDERS— rW/to is down C. suddenly sees 
something placed wrong — gives a ''Oh!" of horror and 
consults her paper. Runs to mantle-piece, takes down a 
huge pot of heauty roses and places them on library table. 
Then studies paper again) — Now that's all right! — (Door 



THREE WISE POOLS 37 



but\Hts open rear and Findley enters carrying napkin; noio 
in full evening dress — flushed — pink — gay — blustering.) 

FINDLEY — What the devil do you want Saunders? 

SAUNDERS— Why, I thought sir— 

FINDLEY — Didn't I make you a complete diagram? 

SAUNDERS — Yes. — (Showing diagram) — Here it is. 

FINDLEY — (Coming doivn front) — Well, you've got 
your diagram, why the h — why don't you go by your dia- 
gram. — (Seeing flowers at right.) — That's all right — that's 
fine — (turns and sees flowers on table L-) — and that is 
beautiful Saunders — really that is perfectly beautiful. — 
(turns and sees fioiver pot on Sidney's desk) — (But that is 
rotten. — (places diagram on table and going to Sidney's 
desk.) — That's not a bit like it. — (He lifts up the pot from 
Sidney's desk, and crossing to small stand at L. of arch.) 
This thing doesn't go up here — ^^this thing comes down and 
goes over here and this thing — (takes pot off stand L.) — 
comes down off this arrangement and goes over there on 
Miss Sidney's desk. 'Confound it — I go to the trouble of 
making you a complete diagram and then you proceed to 
ball everything up. — (Crosses and places the new pot on 
Sidney's desk.) 

SAUNDERS — 'But it says the hydrangers there sir. — 
(Points to Sidney's desk.) 

FINDLEY — (Glaring at flowers on Sidney's desk.) — 
Are those hvdrangers? 

SAUNDERS— Yes, sir. 

FINDLEY — Then why the devil didn't you say so be- 
fore I — Now go over there and get the damn things and 
bring them over here where they belong. — (Grabs pot from 
Sidney's desk, crossing stage, places them on table left as 
Saunders takes pot from table L. and replaces it on Sid- 
ney's desk.) 

FINDLEY — You want me to do everything? — (Sud- 
denly looking at the center table.) — Now where 's the cake, 
Gray — (Douglas opens door for Gray who enters door R. 
with cake.) 

GRAY — Here it is sir. — (A birthday cake with one 
lone candle.) 

FINDLEY— Well, will you put it in the center of the 
table there? — (Gray does so.) — And will you light that 
candle? We're ready for the coffee now. 

GRAY — (Lighting candle on cake.) — We're all ready. 



38 THREE WISE FOOLS 

FINDLEY — (admiring the flowers on large taMe left) 
■Saunders, these are beautiful — really thej are exquisite 
and these here — (turning to mantlepiece) — are perfectly 
wonderful. — Dances from the room like a happy gazelle. 

MRS. SAUNDERS— Will you look at that, why they've 
all gone crazy. — (Enters Douglas, door R. with wine glasses 
and decanter on tray, crosses down center and places same 
ntable.) 

GRAY — I don't mind it so much, Mrs. Saunders. — 
(Arranges table at G.) — ^But I can't understand it, after 
all these years of peace. It's a revelation. 

MRS. SAUNDERS— It's a revolution, Mr. Grey. 
That's what it is! 

GRAY — Well have it your own way. 

DOUGLAS — (Crossing up to door center.) — ^They're 
all ready. — (Gray follows him up. Douglas on R., Gray on 
L., both open doors and exit.) 

JUDGE — We shouldn't laught at her, boys, this is a 
serious matter. — (Sidney and the Three Wise Men are seen 
seated around a table in an exquisite Adams dining room; 
they have finished their dinner, waiting for coffee. Sidney 
is seated at the C. with 'bach to audience. Findley on her 
left, Dr. on the R. and the Judge hack Centre. Sidney is 
now beautifully gowned in shell pink, she is hardly recog- 
nizable; she is transformed. Mrs. Saunders exits left 2nd 
eyitrance.) 

JUDGE — Now Sidney in the case United States vs.. 
Moss, what do you think would have happened if Latimer 
hadn't testified? 

SIDNEY — I think that Moss would have been ac- 
quitted. 

DR. GAUNT — (Placing down napkin) — Oh, do drop 
law for a little while, Sidney. 

FINDLEY— Listen dear, you have us at a disadvan- 
tage; we want our coffee, but we can't leave the table un- 
til you do. 

SIDNEY — (Putting down napkin and rising)—! beg 
your pardon. I suppose when I begin asking question then 
— ('She comes in room and sees all the decorations, she sees 
that room is decorated in her honor, a pause) — Why ! What 
is it? — (Looks all about) — What does it mean? — (Comes 
down stage. Three Wise Men follow her to door, standing 
a step above and observing Sidney.) 

FINDLEY — (Sentimentally)— ^Csiix't you guess? 



THREE WISE FOOLS 39 

SIDNEY— No, all the ones that I liked best at the 
flower show this afternoon. It's like a garden. 

JUDGE — (Placing chair at left of table for Sidney.) 
Madame — 

FINDLEY — Be seated. — (They make much ado ahout 
seating Sidney.) 

JUDGE — (Indicating chair.) — iBy me. 

DR. GAUNT — Well, I guess I can sit close to her too. 
(Sits on Sidney's left. Findley runs around the table and 
tries to sit on the Judge's chair, but the judge is before him 
he then draws a chair up B. of table and sits opposite her.) 

JUDGE — Now this is a festival in your honour. 

SIDNEY— My honour. 

DR. GAUNT — Yes, this is your birthday. — (Draws 
chair near Sidney.) 

SIDNEY — ^Birthday ? — (Loohiiig surprised.) 

FINDLEY — Yes, you have been here exactly one 
month today, so we are celebrating. 

DR. GAUNT — Yes, madame, this is your luna-versary. 

JUDGE — Hence the lunatics. Before you descended 
from above upon us we were quite normal and I may say 
useful citizens, but now we have become three sentimental 
maniacs. 

DR. GAUNT — You know it is being borne in on me 
with a painful realization the truth of that ancient plati- 
tude, "there are no fools like old fools." — (All laugh-) 

SIDNEY — But you're not old. Really, you're not. 

JUDGE — Up boys! — (All three rise) — ^Madame, we 
are dust at your feet. — (They bow as one man with courtly 
grace and resume their seats-) — I propose a toast to our 
young godsend — 

DR. GAUNT AND FINDLEY— Bravo ! Speech! 
Speech ! 

JUDGE — Speaking for your financial manager on your 
right, your court physician on your left, I, as you legal ad- 
visor, thank you in their names and my own, for that you 
have done for us — (Applause) — as for me, madame — I am 
reborn. Our quack is a living proof of his own philosophy 
and see how you've humanized that ancient fossil there — 
(points to Findley) — See the colour and sparkle in his face. 
Our eminent phycologist has proven his theory (beyond the 
shadow of a doubt that we needed youth and inspiration 
to haul us out of our ruts. 



40 THREE WISE FOOLS 

FIN'DLEY — Ruts, with your permission, Mr. Toast- 
master — 

JUDGE— <But I— 

FmBhl^Y— (Rising)— Or without it— 

JVJy^GE— (Sits)— Ali right. 

FINDLEY — I would like to say a word on the subject 
of ruts. — (Applause.) — A month ago our eminent phyeolo- 
gist told me I was dead, but they hadn't buried me yet. He 
said I was a mass of ruts, but if I had enough excitement 
and tonic emotion and buttercups and daisies I might live 
on forever. Naturally at. the time I thought he was hope- 
lessly insane. I now apologize to him publicly — I was a 
mass of ruts — I was dead and didn't know it but after 
taking his wonderful tonic emotions — (Goes over and pats 
Sidney's shoulders) — for four short weeks I now confident- 
ly expect to live on forever — and the next buttercup I find 
I'm going to roll among it. 

DR. GAUNT — (Rises) — Your apology is accepted! — 
(Bows.) 

JUDGE — (Rises) — And we realize we owe the great 
change to you ! So having proved yourself ca]3able as well 
as ornamental my friend on my right will now resign his 
position here as housekeeper, in favor of you. 

FmBLEY— (Rises)— Uight gladly. 

DR. GAUNT — (Rises, takes Sidney up) — Here, here. 

JUDGE — And will relinquish his office by presenting 
you with the keys of this house. — (Dr. Gaunt passing Sid- 
ney over to Findley who is right C.) 

FINDLEY — And here they are. — (Pulls out a hunch 
of keys on a metal ring from his pocket and drops them in- 
to her extended hand, among the keys is the police whistle.) 

SIDNEY — (Taking keys, examining same) — What a 
lot of them. 

DR. GAUNT — Yes, and she hasn't an idea which is 
which. 

SIDNEY — Yes I have. iSaunders has taken me all 
over the house, and shown me. — (Sidney looking at police 
whistle) — ^Why what's this? 

FINDLEY— That's a police whistle. 

SIDNEY— Oh— Oh dear— 

FINDLEY— And I'll tell you what it's for. If that 
old chatter-box over there! — (Pointing to Dr. Gaunt) — 
ever tries to explain his theories of life to you, you are to 



THREE WISE FOOLS 41 

blow on this and the Judge and I will rush in and save 
you. — (All laugh.) 

DR. GAUNT^Oh, Ye8i\ly\—( Sidney starts up to her 
desk to put keys in the drawer up R.C. between large fold- 
ing doors and door R.) 

FINDLEY — Where are you going? 

SIDNEY — (Who is upstage) — ^I'm going to put them 
in my desk. So I won't forget them. — (Crosses hack to 
chair left of table centre. Places keys in desk — crosses^ 
hack to chair L. of table G. Findley, Dr. Gaunt and Judge 
cross to table G. — right, standing in oblique line.) 

DR. GAUNT — Now a toast to our new housekeeper ! — 
(The Three Wise Men each take a glass of wine that is al- 
ready poured out and face Sidney-) 

JUDGE — (Raising his glass and staying him with a 
gesture.) — ^>S'idney Fairchild, wishing you eternal youth. 

FINDLEY — (Raising his glass aloft) — iLong life. 

DR. GAUNT — (Raising his glass) — ^And happiness — 
no heel taps. — (All drink; after drink Judge crosses to 
chair G. behind table; Sidney is standing in front of her 
chair L.G. of table. Br. Gaunt crosses to the side of Sid- 
ney, picks np cake knife from table G., handing her knife. 
Findley re-seats himself, R. of table G.) — Now Sidney, the 
cake. — (About to cut same-) 

FINDLEY — (Stopping him, who is seated right of 
table centre; Judge G. of table; Sidney L. of Judge; Doc- 
tor extreme L.) — Now I)efore you cut the cake or blow out 
the candle. Tonight we are going to take you — You tell 
her, Jimmy — (Slight pause — he leans back in his chair as 
she looks from one to the other.) 

DOCTOR— Oh, yes, you tell her. 

JUDGE — (Solemnly) — We are taking you tonight to 
bear your first grand opera. 

SIDNEY — (Gasping) — That is why you've given me 
this new 'gown. — (Sidney places her hand carelessly upon 
table — Dr. Gaunt takes same patting it affectionately.) 

FINDLEY — Exactly, because you 're going to sit in the 
front of the box. 

^ID^Wl— (Puzzled)— A box. 

JUDGE — A box is a separate space partitioned off 
where we can all sit together comfortably. — (Look at Doc- 
tor, who is holding Sidney's hand) — And perhaps I may 
have my chance of holding your hand. ^ 



42 THREE WISE FOOLS 

FIND'LEY — Yes, that's right. — (Rises, crossing Sid- 
ney in front of table G. — to L-) — Now it's my turn to have 
my hand held. 

DR. GAUNT — (Who has been holding her hand 
throughout this scene.) — No, no, I protest. — (Waving Find- 
ley aside.) — ^This is a question of my lady's preference. 

FINDLEY — I stand on my rights. I appeal to the 
^bench. — (Indicating the Judge.) 

DR. OAUNT^Judge? 

JUDGE — Dick you must obey the laws of equity, let 
go that hand. — (Dr. does so. Findley in a very jovial 
manner raises Dr. from seat pushing him to the right tak- 
ing Dr.'s seat at L. of table C-) 

DR. GAUNT— But what about your hand? 

JUDGE — Never mind my hand. 

DR. GAUNT— Wait till we get in the \)q^.—(AII 
seated; Judge is holding Sidney's right hand; Findley 
holding her left — pause.) 

SIDNEY — ^Just we four are going ? 

DR. QMJ^T— (Gaily)— Yq^, just we four. 

SIDNEY— rPa?/5ej— Oh— 

FINDLEY — (Sharply) — Here, what made you say 
that? 

SIDNEY — Nothing — I thought there were more than 
four seats in a box. 

DR. GAUNT— There are, but what of it? I suppose 
you want to invite the Cook, and Saunders and Douglas 
and Gray. 

SIDNEY — (Smiling) — Now you're making fun of me 
again. I think its all too wonderful just as it is, onlv — 

FINDLEY— Only— only what? 

SIDNEY — I thought Gordon was coming to see you 
tonight. 

FINDLEY — (Rises, crossing to the left corner.) — I 
knew it, I knew it. — (As Findley leaves his chair Dr. rises 
quickly and stealing Findley 's chair takes Sidney's hand. 
Findley sees tliis and tries to oust him out of the chair*, 
general laugh from all.) 

JUDGE — Well, Gordon is not asked. — (Dr. G. has 
noticed for the first time that Sidney is ivearing her bluei 
satin slippers.) 

DR. GAUNT— r To Sidney)— No indeed he isn't. 
Hello — why are you wearing your blue slippers ? 

SIDNEY — (Surprised) — There the only ones I have. 



THREE WISE FOOLS 43 

DR. GAUNT— Oh, no they're not. Grandpa Teddy 
and I ordered plain pink satin fellows to go with this 
dress. 

SIDNEY — I haven't seen them. 

DR. GAUNT — Oh, am sorry the}^ haven't come in 
time. Never mind. 

SIDNEY — But I love these buckles. — (Enter Douglas 
L. C. entrance tvith tray containing trick coffee pot, pearl 
necklace in same — 4 cups and saucers for serving on tray, 
crosses to centre hack of table, places same between Judge 
and Sidney.) 

FINDLEY — We were assured by an extremely un- 
pleasant young man that plain slippers were more the 
fashion for debutantes. 

SIDNEY — But they'll never be noticed from a box. 

DR. GAUNT— Ah !* the coffee. 

FINDLEY— Coffee ! Coffee! Cofleel— (Runs from 
L. — to R. — resuming his old position.) 

SIDNEY — Yes. — (Takes up silver coffee pot and starts 
to pour tipping it slightly — no coffee comes — she turns and 
looks at Douglas.) — Why Douglas there's none in it. 

FINDLEY — (Fairly iviggling with excitement) — 
Keep at it. — (Judge, Dr. and Findley eagerly watching ex- 
pressions on Sidney's face — Sidney turns the pot upside 
down, cover falls opens and out drops pearl necklace on 
the tables-she stares at it unable to speak, then lifts it up 
exclaiming "Oli^^! Douglas takes coffee pot and tray exits 
center through sliding doors — returns immediately with a 
real coffee pot filled with hot coffee, crosses ayid places on 
table left, back of flowers. Sidney overcome starts crying 
silently.) 

FmB^JjEY— (Rising) — Handkerchiefs ! Handker- 

chiefs ! — (All rise and crowd about her producing hand- 
kerchiefs. The Judge back of her, Findley R. and the Doc- 
tor L. They all give her their handkerchiefs — she takes the 
Doctor's and Judge's handkerchiefs and weeps on them.) 

FINDLEY — Here — what's the matter with mine?— 
(Sidney gropes for it.) 

DR. GAUNT — I'm afraid we've sprung it on her too 
suddenly. 

FINDLEY — Here you're not crying on mine at all. — 
(She turns them all over and cries on his.) 

JUDGE— Nor mine. 

DR. GAUNT— Nor mine. 



44 THREE WISE FOOLS ^ 

iSIDNEY — (Bus. of handing handkerchief hack to 
Findley.) — Thank you! — (Handing handkerchief to Judge) 
Thank you! — (Handing handkerchief to Br.) — Thank you! 

FINDLEY — Here this is not mine. 

DR. GAUNT — No, this isn't mine. Here Teddy — give 
me that one ! 

¥l'^T>ljEiY— (Reaching for it from the doctor.) — This 
is mine. This is the one she cried on last. — (ad lib through 
scene until laugh dies.) 

SIDNEY — (Drying her eyes manfully.) — iPlease may 
I make a speech ? 

JUDGE, DOCTOR AND FINDLEY— Bravo ! Hear, 
hear, speech ! — (Three applaud; she pauses, looking at 
them — they resume their seats, paying strict attention to 
what she is ahout to say; she looks at the jewels l)efore\ 
struggling manfully to hold hack her tears.) — You — you 
can never, realize it, but to me it's been like coming out of 
the hopeless dark into sunlight to have come here. — (She 
falters and shivers — turning to them again) — Mother told 
me you three were the most chivalrous men she'd ever 
known because it's in your hearts — (They how their heads; 
she pauses.) — ^^She was right. Why you haven't asked me 
a question — ^just taken me on trust. Oh if you could only 
know what that meant. 1 don't want pearl necklaces — 
(Looks down at them) — I just want to stay here with you 
for ever and ever and ever — (She leans over and kisses' 
Findley on the forehead — turns and kisses the doctor on 
the forehead, and crosses in front of taMe to Judge who is 
seated right of tahle C. — kisses him on forehead, climhing 
into the Judge's lap lays her head on his immacidate shirt 
front and sobs in his arms; the others drink their cham- 
pagne and look extremely unc&mfortaible.) 

JUDGE— There, there— 

SIDNEY — (Inarticulately) — Da— da da — boo — boo — 

JUDGE — (Softly as he pets her.) — Of course, precise- 

SIDNEY— I didn't mean to do it. 

JUDGE — (Same husiness.) — Quite right we all agree 
with you. — (Suddenly Sidney realizes that she has heen 
crying, tries to recover herself, drying her eyes and after 
a pause, which she forces laughter.) 

SIDNEY — 'Please forgive me. I couldn't help it, I 
just spilled over, didn't I? 

ALL — Yes, yes, of course, of course. 



. THREE WISE FOOLS 45 

(Rises — crosses in front of Findlcy loho is center hack of 
table. Findley grabs her in his arms and places her on his 
lap. Dr. G. takes necklace from table places it on Sidney's 
neck.) 

SIDNEY — (Brightning) — Now may I see them? — 

DR. GAUNT — Yes, of course, tliere they are. 

SIDNEY— They're beautiful. 

DR. GAUNT — Now let me put them on for you Sid- 
ney. There! — (Fastens string of pearls on Sidney's neck. 
Judge takes cake knife, polishes it with his napkin and gives 
it to Sidney, who looks into it admiring the necklace.) 

SIDNEY— How alive they look.— (Dr. G. goes left to 
table pours out cup of coffee.) 

FINDLEY — (Who still has Sidney on his lap.) — Yes, 
we were each going to buy you a separate present, but they 
wouldn't let me give you the best one. So to avoid fric- 
tion I decided we'd make it a three in one gift. — (Enter 
Gordon door R.) 

GORDON — Hello, folks. — (Sidney rises, watching 
Gordon, goes down right of sofa R.) 

JUDGE— Hello, Gordon. 

FINDLEY — (Sourly) — How did you get in here? 

GOUDON— (Crosses to R.C.)— With my new latchkey. 

FINDLEY— Latch key? Where did you get it? 

GORDON — Gray had it made for me. 

FINDLEY — (Crosses over to table left, pours out 
small cup of coffee, joins the doctor, who is at fireplace left.) 

JUDGE — (Happily) — Well, Gordon, you're in luck. 
Just in time for some cake. 

GORDON. — (Looking at it.) — For heaven's sake, 
what's happened here? 

JUDGE— A birthday. 

GORDON — ^Good. Many happy returns. Whose 
birthday is it ? 

FINDLEY— rw/io is in front of table left.)— Sidney's 
you poor idiot. — (Judge crosses to fireplace left.) 

GORDON — (Delighted. Goes over to Sidney at right, 
taking small chair from table of center.) — ^Sidney's? Then 
it's a real party. 

SIDNEY — (Looking at Gordon.) — Look at my luna- 
present. — (Shows pearl necklace on her.) 

GORDON — ^Oh, I say, they have come across. And 
so they should. Bully for them. I'm proud of them. — 



46 THREE WISE FOOLS 

(Sidney showing her pearls, both become unconscious of 
their surroundings.) 

^SIDNEY — (In low voice) — You haven't noticed my 
new dress. 

GORDON— ^Oh, yes I have. 

SIDNEY— ("aS'iIs on settee right.) — You didn't say 
anything. 

'GORDON — (Sits in chair he has taken from table, he 
looks at her, up and down and then in her eyes.) — I didn't 
think it was necessary. I thought you'd know what I felt. 
(Sidney laughs, which attracts the attention of Findley, 
Judge and Doctor. Gordon whispers in her ear.) 

FINDLEY — (At their exchange of glances.) — Well, 
I'll be damned. 

SIDNEY — ^Do you really like it as much as that ? 

QOn'DO^— (Nodding at /ler;— Hah, ha. 

JUDGE — (Going up left over to right) — There 's some- 
thing the matter with the -bridge of my nose. , 

DR. GAUNT — (Placing cup down on mantle; Findley 
does likewise; Judge placing his ctcp on tray, which is on 
table left.) — ^Exactly. — (Rubs nose.) — A clear case of out 
of joint. — (All three walk abreast, across stage behind Gor- 
don; Findley grabs Gordon^ pidls him away, forces him to 
extreme left of stage.) 

FINDLEY — Go away, Gordon, go away. — (Judge 
takes Sidney, brings her to center.) 

JUDGE — You sit right down here and cut that cake. 
(Enter Douglas through center door, goes to mantle, takes 
cups and saucers places them on tray and during action of 
scene exits center door, taking tray coffee, etc. ivith hiyn. 
Dr. is on the right of table C. — Judge behind Sidney; Find- 
ley left of table C.) 

GORDON — Uncle, where were you this afternoon? 

FINDLEY— ^Twrnm^ to Oordonj— How 's that ? 

GORDON — You got yourself in a^fine mess. 

FINDLEY — (Icily. Crossing to L:C.) — ^What -do you 
mean ? 

'GORDON — (Grimly) — Do you remember calling a di- 
rectors' meeting this afternoon, at four o'clock? 

FINDLEY— fWi^/i a violent start. )^GoodL God! 

DR. GAUNT— Teddy ! 

SIDNEY — (Rises) — — ^h — (Sidney crosses to her 
writing desk, gets glass jar which is half full of coins, comes 
back to table centre, extending it toivard Findley, he reai- 



THREE WISE FOOLS 47 

izes that he has sworn, puts hand in pocket, takes out a 
quarter, crosses to Sidney, drops coin in glass jar — general 
laugh. Sidney with a look to indicate that she will stop his 
swearing, crosses hack to her desk, placing jar on same, re- 
joins the Judge. Findley crosses hack to Gordon.) 

GORDON — T never saw an angrier bunch of men in 
my life. 

PINDLEY — (In real dismay) — I forgot all about 
them. Grordon, what did you do ? 

GORDON— Well I had the proxy and I stalled them. 
But I had an awful job squaring you. Now where were 
you ? 

FINDLEY — (Sheepishly) — Er^er — ah — um — I had 
to take Sidney to see the flower show. It was the last day. 

GORDON — Flower show? Listen uncle, true educa- 
tion is in learning to do the thing you don't want to do at 
the time you don 't want to do it. 

DR. GAimT— (Enthusiastically)— ThaVs right, Gor- 
don, sic 'em, hit him again. He has no friends. 

SIDNEY — (Rising) — Yes he has. Don't scold him, 
Gordon. — (Crosses to fireplace and. joins Gordon.) — Have 
a piece of cake. 

GORDON — (Sputtering) — Thanks. What use is he — 
(Pantomime hetween Sidney and Gordon. Judge who is 
center of tahle with Findley and Doctor.) 

JUDGE — (Sotto voice.) — : You '11 make a business man 
of him yet. 

FINDLEY — (Sees Gordon in conversation with Sid- 
ney.) — Look, Jimmy, look, he's at it again. He's at it 
again ! 

DR. GAUNT— Look, Jimmy. 

JUDGE — (Crosses to tahle left) — Ahem ! I beg your 
pardon — I don't want to interrupt you! — (Aloud) — ^Gor- 
don eat your cake and go home ! 

GORDON— Home. Well, I like that. Why, what's 
up? 

FINDLEY — We're going out this evening. 

GORDON— Oh! Are we? 

FINDLEY— No, we are. 

GORDON— Well, where are WE going? 

JUDGE — We are taking Sidney to hear her first 
grand opera. — (Takes Sidney R.C.) 

GORDON — 'Poor girl. Grand opera. Why didn't 
you take her to a musical comedy? Never mind Sidney,, I '11 



48 THREE WISE FOOLS 

help out all I can. — (Crossing to Sidney.) — I'll go with 
yon. 

PINDLEY — Young man, you're not asked. 

GORDON— I know that, but I'll be there.— ("Oros-s to 
Findley C.) — What's the number of the box? 

FINDLE Y— I '11 not tell you. 

GORDON— Well, I'll find it. 

FINDLEY — (Slapping Gordon on hack and pushing 
him L. to mantle.) — Run along now. We're in a hurry — 
we'll be late. — (General laugh from all — Gordon crosses 
over to fireplace — Sidney is at extreme right ; Findley has 
crossed to table left — Judge is center — Dr. ^between Find- 
ley and the Judge.) 

FINDLEY— We'd better get ready. We mustn't be 
late. 

JUDGE — (Crossing up left center) — 'Plenty of time — 
(Turns hack to Sidney) — ^But don't take too long, Sidney, 
dear. 

SIDNEY — Why I'm quite ready. — (Faces them.) 

DR. GAUNT — Remember this is an important occa- 
sion. Don 't forget your gloves — 'the long ones. 

SIDNEY— Oh, yes— 

JUDGE — And the lorgnette — and your fan — that's 
important — ladies must always carry fans in a box. 

FINDLEY — (Crosses to table) — Yes, so they may 
talk behind them during the heavy spots — ^Oh ! and don 't 
forget — the orchids we've got at the — 

GORDON — Directors' meeting this afternoon. — (All 
laugh. Crosses down quickly to mantle as Findley makes 
a motion as if to chastise him.) 

JUDGE — (Looking at Sidney) — (Boys, it's like the old 
days. 

DR. GAUNT^Porthos !— r^;r^en(^5 hand.) 

FINDLEY — (Extending hand) — Athos! 

JUDGE — (Taking both of their hands) — Aramis — 

ALL — One for all and all for one. — (Clasping hands.) 
(Forming line they exit singing the Soldiers' Chorus from 
"Faust.'' Exit upstairs into library which is door left 3E. 
A pause. Enter Gray from dining room center, arranging 
tray with glasses and decanter to take them away.) 

GRAY — Mrs. 'Saunders sent me to tell you your pink 
satin slippers have arrived. 

SIDNEY— Thank you, Gray. 



THREE WISE FOOLS 49 

GRAY — She laid them on your dressing table, miss. — 
(Puts chair up R.C. /Sidney starts to run upstairs — Gor- 
don intercepts her at foot of stairs.) 

GORDON — One moment, please. Gray, Miss Fair- 
child will ring when to clear away. 

GRAY — Very good, sir. Thank you, sir. Beg pardon, 
really, I'm sure. — (Retires discreetly with tray containing 
decanter and glasses of wine into dining room center, clos- 
ing doors hehind him. Gordon and Sidney wait till he ex- 
its — turn and look at each other.) 

GORDON — You haven't blown out your birthday 
candle. — (Gordon has crossed to the right of table C.) 

SIDNEY— fCromn^ to GordonV— Must I? 

GORDON — (Raises cake, holding it up to her) — Oh, 
yes — (Sidney is about to blow out cake.) — Wait — you must 
make a wish first, 

SIDNEY— ^6^oin^ to table)-~An right. 

GORDON— Have you a wish? 

SlDlSi^Y— (Pauses)— Yes ! 

GORDON— Have you wished it ? 

SIDNEY— Now I have ! 

GORDON — ^Go ahead then — blow it out, 

SIDNEY — (He raises cake; she blows out the candle-) 
I wonder if it will come true. 

GORDON— (^^^mcere^i/;— If it's what I 'hope it is I 
hope it will. 

SIDNEY— I'll let you know if it does.— (She starts to 
run upstairs.) 

GOUBO^— (Following her)— Oh, Sidney— tell me 
w^hat was it ? 

SIDNEY — It mightn't come true if I tell. — (Running 
back of tdble, crosses down to fireplace and sofa — Gordon 
crossing down C.) 

GORDON — Why do you always run away from me? 

SIDNEY— I don't, 

GORDON — You do whenever we're alone. Of course 
we hardly ever are alone. These three 'guardsmen — look 
out for that. But when I do have a moment with you, you 
seem to want to avoid me, 

SIDNEY — (Goes^ to Gordon) — I'm not avoiding you 
now, am I ? 

'GORDON— No, that's tine. Now sit down, 

SIDNEY— But I've got to get ready. , 



50 THREE WISE FOOLS 

G^ORDON — ^Just a minute — ^^there's something I want 
to tell you — ^^something about you. 

SIDNEY— ^/^/te sits)— About me? 

GORDON — Yes — what you've been doing. 

SIDNEY— fj./^arme(ij — What I've been doing — why 
Grordon — 

GORDON — (Drawing a chair up and sitting near her) 
What you've been doing for these three wise men. I've 
watched your method and learned a lot from you. You let 
them think they 're managing and laying out every detail of 
your life, while all the time you're completely changing 
theirs, and they don't even realize it. 

SIDNEY— fjffa^/ smiling )^0\i, Gordon— 

GORDON — Everything seems to have gone right since 
you came here, and, somehow, it's all without effort, — 
Uncle's house accounts, the doctor 's appointments — and 
you're even helping the judge with his briefs. Why Sid- 
ney, you've made it all a different house in one short month. 
I've found now how to handle my job at the office by 
watching you here. 

SIDNEY— Watching me ? 

GORDON — Yes — just saying nothing but keeping on 
the job all the while with a smile. It's a wonderful 
scheme, Sidney, and they're beginning to think I'm good 
at the office. To-day I got my first month's wages. — (He 
laughs) — Never earned a dollar before in my life. May I 
show it to vou. 

SIDNEY— Why, yes— 

GORDON — (Takes out package from pocket umvraps 
it, it contains a very handsome watchcase — opens it — takes 
out a small wrist watch — holds it up before Sidney — who 
looks at it — touched.) — It's a wrist watch. 

^l'D^Wl—(Fause)—YQ^— (pause.) 

GORDON— It's for you. 

SIDNEY — You spent all your salarv for that ? 

GORDON— Why, don't you like itf 

SIDNEY — Of course I do. But you shouldn't have 
done it. 

GORDON — It was the very best thing I could have 
done with it, and by Jove! now it can be a birthday 
present. — (Reaches for her hand — she not realizing ivhat 
he is ahout to do — draws away) — I — I want to put it on — 

SIDNEY — Oh — (Gordon puts watch on her wrist, 
sighs — ) 



THREE WISE FOOLS 51 

GORDON — Oh ! I wish it were something to go on 
your finger. — (Gordon leans over, grabs her hand and kisses 
it; she rises quickly draws away from him.) 

SIDNEY — (Loiu voice) — ^Please — no — 

GORDON— Why not? 

SIDNEY — ^Gordon, you — you don't know me. — (Gor- 
don tries to embrace her.) 

GORDON— Yes, I do. 

SIDNEY — (Crosses to center, speaking same time.) — 
Please don't. We mustn't think of each other that way. 

GORDON — (Follows her to center.) — ^But it's too late 
to say that now, I do think of you that way and you know 
it. I have thought of "you that way ever since you came 
here that night. Don't you care a little for me, don't you, 
■Sidney 1 Please tell me. 

SIDNEY — (Hesitates for a moment, turns looks at 
Gordon) — I — I — 

GORDON — You needn't tell me now, I know you do. 
(Grabs her hands, holds them up to him.) — It just is — it's 
bigger than either of us. 

SIDNEY-^Oh, don't say that. 

GORDON — Why not, you know it's true. — (They look 
at each other.) 

SIDNEY — (Weakly) — Please go and dress like a good 
fellow. 

GORDON— But why ? 

SIDNEY — But I'll be late, and I musn't keep them 
waiting. — (Sidney starts up to the stairs: Gordon inter- 
cepts her.) 

GORDON— Oh, Sidney, I— 

SIDNEY — Oh, Gordon — we must be sensible. 

GORDON — (Smiling) — But we are. — '-(Takes her in 
his arms, draws her to him.) — What would be more sensible 
than this I'd like to know. — (Bending toward her.) — ^Please 
may I — 

SIDNEY — (Weakening) — And — and — no. — (Turns 
her head away.) 

GORDON — (Still holding her^she facing front.) — I 
promise to go if you will. — (Pause — Gordons kisses her up- 
on the cheek — pause — Sidney turns looks into Gordon's 
eyes places both arms about his neck and kisses him; em- 
brace. Sidney clings to him for a moment-) 

SIDNEY — Gordon, oh, dear — I've tried to be careful 
and now it's all gone and happened — 



52 THREE WISE FOOLS 

GORDON— ( Kissing her again — not so awkwardly ) — 
In spite of us. — (She looks at him tenderly; he kisses her 
on the eyes, nose, fairly gobbles her up with kisses; she 
fights herself clear.) 

SIDNEY — (Backing away from him to U, of C. up- 
stage; he following her) — iPlease go now, you promised. 

GORDON — (Gaily) — ^Just one more — just one more 
and I'll go. — (Trying to embrace her.) 

. SIDNEY — (Pushing him off)—No, no, Gordon, I want 
to show you something. 

GORDON— r^a^ed;— What ? 

SIDNEY — Why — why — oh — (Looking about room, 
sees desk, runs to it — opens drawer and produces keys) — 
These. 

GORDON— What about them? 

SIDNEY^I am house-keeper now. 

GORDON— Housekeeper ? 

SIDNEY — Yes, sir. I'm going to have charge of the 
cellar, linen, silver, keep all the accounts, and look after 
the servants. — (Handing keys to Gordon, and crossing 
down R. to chair tltat is near settee, facing front.) 

GORDON — In that case you'd better watch them. 

SIDNEY— Watch them, why? 

GORDON — ^Because one of them has been going out 
late, and returning before you're all u^.— (Places keys on 
table center.) 

SIDNEY— What makes you think that? 

GORDON— A detective told me. 

SIDNEY — (Sitting down involuntarily.) — A detec- 
tive? 

GOm^O^-^Oh^l— (Crossing to Sidney E.G.)—Vyq 
frightened you. 

SIDNEY — (Deathly pale) — No, not frightened, just 
surprised that's all. 

GORDON — Why didn't you know this house was be- 
ing watched. 

SIDNEY— Watched? No, wha— what for? 

GORDON — ^Judge Trum/bull — he doesn't know it, but 
they think his life is in danger. You see he's apt to be 
severe on criminals, and they don't like him. They nearly 
got him- once before, so I guess that's why they're being 
careful. — (She stares at him.) — Oh, I have frightened you. 
It's nothing at all. Just a sort of precaution. 



THREE WISE FOOLS 53 

SIDNEY- — (Rising. In a quiet voice.) — ^I'm not 
frightened. 

GORDON — Good then, give me one more and I'll go. 
(She hacking from him toward ivindow.) 

SIDNEY — (Smiling with an effort) — No, von don't. 

GORDON-^Please— 

SIDNEY— Go dress or you'll be late. 

GORDON — You're terribly sensible. — (Goes to door 
R. in flat.) — Any way there's no law against my loving 
you, is there? — (Bloivs kiss from his hand — exit door R. in 
flat. Sidney peering through curtains to get sight of the 
detective. Enter Gray C. from dining room sees Sidney 
as he is crossing to door R.) 

ORAY — I beg pardon, Miss, the door bell. — (Exit door 
R. At Grey's exit, Sidney pauses for a moment, closes 
curtains, crosses stage hack of table, picks up key ring with 
keys and is startled hy the voice of Gray. Hearing th^e' 
noise in. the hall she rushes toward curtains — at ivindow 
again. In hall — off stage. — Just a moment, sir, you can't 
come in here. Ah, let go my throat. — (Dull thud is heard 
off stage. Sidney peers from curtains just in time to see 
Gray fall, heing blackjacked by Benny the Duck; as he 
falls she screams — ahout to start toward center. Enter 
Benny quickly — slams door behind him with revolver in 
hand — he stops Sidney.) 

BENNY — No, you don't — keep quiet do you hear? — 
(Aiming pistol at her.) 

SIDNEY — (Recognizing him — swbdtted.) — Benny ! 

BENNY— Sidney ! 

■SIDNEY — (In horror) — Has anything happened to 
my father? 

BENNY — No, your father's all right! 

SIDNEY — I was afraid he'd been caught. 

BENNY^ — But what are you doing here? 

SIDNEY— This is where I live. 

BENNY— Where you live ? 

SIDNEY— Yes. Didn't father tell vou about— that? 

BENNY— No. 

iSIDNEY — Then why are you here? 

BENNY — Why, aint this Judge Trumbull 's house? 

SIDNEY— Yes. 

BENNY — (Crosses stage in front of table, going up to 
electric button on wall L. of C. door, speaking at the same 
time.) — Then you get out of here quick. Go back to your 



54 THREE WISE FOOLS 

father. Hurry now take it on the run. — (Turning out 
lights.) 

NOTE : — All brackets, foots and borders out nothing 
on hut the hahy spot — 2 stand lamps — fireplace and from 
window.) 

(Sidney crosses to him.) 

SIDNEY — What are you going to do? 

BENNY — That's my business. 

SIDNEY — *But Benny these people are my friends. 

BENNY — Friends? Is Judge Trumbull your friend? 

SIDNEY— Yes. 

BENNY— Where is he ? 

SIDNEY— What do you want of the Judge ? Oh— ^A^ 
she steps hack from him. In sudden horror-) — It can't be 
that Judge Trumbull's the man you told me about? 

BENNY — Yes, he is — he's the dog that sent me up. 
I've been waiting ten years to get him, damn him ! — (Turns 
away from her.) 

SIDNEY — (She catches him, turns him hack to her.) 
But you mustn't harm him now, Benny. He's befriended 
me, done everything for me. 

BENNY — It won't do no good to talk, I won't let 
nothin' stand in my way. I swore I'd get him and this 
is my chance. 

SIDNEY — No, no, Benny. You must go — I beg of 
you ! 

BENNY — Tell me where he is. 

SIDNEY— He 's gone out. 

BENNY — (Eyeing her) — Yes he has. Is he out that 
way? Well, I'll look out here to make sure. — (Starts for 
door left as Sidney watches him. Sidney does not move; at 
the door he turns and looks at her.) — ^He ain't out there, 
that's certain. He's upstairs, that's where he is. — (He 
quickly runs up to the top of the stairs; at top of stairs he 
looks over hannister at Sidney.) — He ain't up here either, 
eh? — (Sees library door for the first time which is L.U. en- 
trance.) — Where does that door lead to? 

SIDNEY — (With a little cry rushes up to library 
door — puts her back against it.) — (Benny — 

BENNY — (In triumph) — ^Oh, so that's where he is, 
is it? — (Comes down stairs front facing her.) 

SIDNEY — No, no, now listen, Benny. You mustn't 
harm the Judge, you shan 't. 

BENNY— I shan't, eh? What's the reason I shan't? 



THREE WISE FOOLS 55 

SIDNEY — I won't let you. I'll stop you somehow. 

BENNY— We'll see about that. Get away from that 
door. 

SIDNEY— No. 

BENNY — Go on now, before I — (As he sees this does 
not frighten her he changes his tone) — I don't want to hurt 
you — Sidney 



SIDNEY— No, Benny, I wont 

BENNY — Then I'll have to make you. — (Grahhing her. 
He struggles with her, pushes her half way down stairs — 
ivhere she gets aivay from him, after struggling and rushes 
to window right; Benny turns quickly hack to library door 
and gets his hand on the knoh, as Sidney Mows police 
whistle. Benny turns and darts after her — Sidney rushes 
to door R. C; as he starts after her) — Damn you, what are 
you doing? 

SIDNEY — I had to do it, Benny, you made me. I had 
to do it, I had to do it. 

BENNY — (He catches her at door) — The bulls are 
watching this house, they'll get me sure. — (Whistle blows 
off stage; Benny looks front). 

SIDNEY— The police. 

BENNY — They've heard you. It's all up, I'm done for. 

SIDNEY— I couldn't help it. I had to do itj 

BENNY— And your father? They'll get him. This 
time they'll send him up for life! — (Knocking heard off 
stage at outer door hy Poole, Clancey, Policeman, and 
Splevin. Voices calling — -shouting). 

SIDNEY — (Crossing stage quickly followed hy Benny; 
they start upstairs) — No, no, listen Benny — you can escape. 
Come quick. I can help you. — (Sidney and Benny are in 
the dark upon the second flight of stairs when the dining 
room doors are suddenly thrown open, knocking from out- 
side heard very loud — DOUGLAS rushes in, closing fold- 
ing doors hehind him and runs out door R. — as he opens 
door he sees Grey who is lying full length head towards, 
center — outside seeing Grey he exclaims). 

DOUGLAS — Grey — (The knocking is still continued, 
which attracts Douglas attention, who exits to right as if to 
unlock door). 

SIDNEY — By the roof. I've got the keys. Follow me. 
Quickly ! Hurry ! (She runs upstairs; Benny following, 
hang is heard on the front door, then distant voices). 



56 , THREE WISE FOOLS 

VOICES— What's the matter in there? Here, let me 
in! — (POOLE enters hurriedly^ crosses stage and turns up 
lights. Douglas re-enters immediately, motions for the 
officer — who assists him in placing Gray in a sitting position 
with Douglas at his head holding him. CLANCEY rushes 
on stage from door right joining Poole). 

CLAN€EY— What's up Chief ? 

POOLE — (Comes up center) — Benny the Duck has got 
by us some way. 

CLANCEY — Well he can't get out; we've got a guard 
around the house. 

POOLE — Well make a search for him ; the cellar first. 

CLANCEY — Right you are. — (Goes out through hall. 
Poole comes quickly hack to Gray — speaks to Douglas.) 

POOLE— Is he done for? 

DOUGLAS — No, his heart is still beating. 

POOLE — ^^Help me get him on the sofa over there. — 
(Poole takes him by the legs — Douglas hy the arms — they 
carry him in on to settee right; then the Three Wise Men 
come dashing in from library all talking together). 

DR. GAUNT-What is it? (Toaether ) 

PINDLEY— What's goin on here? {logcintf.j 

POOLE— Your butler, Doctor. 

DR. GAUNT— Good heavens, Gray.— ^Z^r. G. and 
Findley cross to Grey kneeling over him). 

JUDGE— What is all this? 

PO'OLE^f^To Judge) — I'm glad to see you're all right, 
Judge. 

JUDGE — What has happened here, Poole ? 

POOLE— It's Benny the Duck, Judge. 

JUDGE— Benny, eh? 

DR. GAUNT — My medicine case, Douglas, it's in the 
hall, I think. 

JUDGE— ^To Gaunt)— Is it serious, Dick? 

DR. GAUNT— I don't think so. He got a hard blow 
here on the head. But his heart action's strong. — (Exit 
Douglas door R. Dr. Gaunt unloosens Gray's shirt, collar 
and tie, examining him, while Judge and Findley assist). 

POOLE — I'm glad it's no worse than that. I thought 
he was a goner when I saw him. — (Policemen enters quick- 
ly door R. — to Poole, who is left of door.) 

POLICEMAN— We've got him, chief. 

POOLE— Who, Benny? 



THREE WISE FOOLS 57 



POLICEMAN — I'm sure it's him. He's sneaking 
down the fire-escape of the next building'. 

POOLE — Well don't let him see any of you. 

POLICEMAN— Why don't you want us to nab him? 

POOLE — No, follow him. I want to know wliere he 
goes. There's another one I'm looking foi*. — (As Police- 
man starts for door.) 

POLICEMAN— Right you are ! 

POOLE — Don't let him get out of sight now. 

POLICEMAN— No chance.— (Exits door R.) 

CLANCEY — (Entering from left 2nd entrance.) — No 
one in the cellar, chief. 

POOLE — (Crosses to left center upstage.) — ^He's got 
out through the roof somehow. Have a look up there — 
let me know what you find. 

JUDGE — (Indicating stairs.) — Up that way. 

CLANCEY — Yes, sir. — (Exit upstairs 2nd door.) 

JUDGE — (Who has crossed, to Poole.) — ^How did Ben- 
iiy get in here, Poole ? 

FOOh^— (Turns to Judge.)— ThsiVs what I'd like to 
know. We've been watching this house for a month. 

JUDGE — Yes, I know you have. — (Findley turns up 
to them.) 

Y001jF^—'0\\— (Surprised.)— Wc . didn't think you 
knew about that, sir. It was someone on the inside let 
him in. 

FINDLEY — What's that. — (Crossing up and joining 
Judge and Poole ivho are left center.) 

POOLE— That's what I think. 

FINDLEY — You mean someone in this house? 

POOLE — Are you sure that your servants here are 
all right, sir ?^ — (Enter Sidney from above door ; she is very 
pale and frightened, has opera coat on, comes doivn steps 
almost to the first landing — listening to' the conversation 
hut not observed hy others.) 

FINDLEY— Absolutely, I'll vouch for every one of 
them. 

POOLE — Well, I've had a report one of 'em 's been 
seen going out late at night. 

FINDLEY— What 's that ? 

POOLE — And getting in just before daylight. 

FINDLEY — (Looks at Judge) — You've seen one of 
our servants — 

PO'OLE — No, I haven't, 'but one of the boys has. 



58 THREE WISE FOOLS 

FINDLEY— I don't believe a word of it. 

POOLE — Do you mind if I question them? 

FINDLEY — Not at all. Question them as much as 
please. — (Sidney — half faints on the stairs, clinging to ban- 
ister. As all catch sight of Sidney.) 

JUDGE— Ah, Sidney— 

FINDLEY — Grood G-od — (Judge and Findley rushes 
up to assist her downstairs.) 

SIDNEY— I'm all right. 

JUDGE — (As he reaches her.) — Why, you're tremb- 
ling like a leaf. 

FINDLEY — There, there's nothing to worry about 
now, dear. An escaped convict got into the house but the 
police frightened him away. — (By this time they've assist- 
ed Sidney down the steps to the foot of the stairs; she sees 
Gray with the doctor working over him on the settee right, 
crosses quickly to him — kneels.) 

SIT>1<IEY— (Horrified.)— Boator, is he badly hurt?— 
(Douglas enters right in fiat with medicine case — crosses 
down behind settee with back to audience — at the head of 
Gray.) 

DR. GAUNT — No, no, dear, it's nothing serious. Take 
her away, Jimmy, please. 

DOUGLAS — (Bringing in small medicine case.) — Is 
this the one Doctor? 

DR. GAUNT — Yes — (takes case from Douglas.) — Now 
we'll take him into the other room. — (as the Judge and 
Findley go to help, Douglas and Dr. Gaunt pick Gray up, 
Sidney takes the pillow from under Gray's head and re- 
turns it to the windoiv seat-) — Don't you fellows trouble. 
Douglas and I can manage it. You take 'Sidney off to the 
opera and I'll follow you. Don't worry Sidney, I'll have 
him on his feet in no time. — (Exit Dr. Gaunt carrying 
Gray off, holding his feet, with Douglas bearing him under 
the shoulders — they exit door B.) 

SIDNEY — Oh, surely we don't want to go to the opera 
now. 

FINDLEY — (Crosses up back of table centre.) — Of 
course we do. — (Exit Dr. and Douglas carrying Gray door 
right in flat.) 

CLANCEY — (Bursting in door upstairs, rushing down 
stairway.) — He's made a getaway, chief. He got out 
through the skylight. 

POOLE— Yes, I know that. 



THREE WISE FOOLS 59 

CLANCEY — He must have had help from the inside 
allright. The one who let him in let him out. 

POOLE — Clancey, you reported to me that you had 
seen one of the servants leaving this house late at night. 

CLAN€EY— I did, yes. 

POOLE — ^Do you think you could identify her? 

CLANCEY — Why, yes, I think so. She was a slender 
— rather — ! — (Sees Sidney and wbruptly come down G.) 

VOOIj^— (Going down L.) — What's the matter? 

CLANCEY — (Goming down L.G. — a little bewildered) 
Just about the size of that lady there. — (A look between 
Findley and Judge.) 

FINDLEY — (Grosses to Glancey. Judge puts arms 
about Sidney.) — Now, see here, do you mean — ^to accuse 
this young lady — 

CLANCEY — I don't mean to accuse anybody, sir. 

FINDLEY — Well, you'd better not. Wliat makes you 
so sure that someone in the house helped that man escape ? 

CLANCEY — Do you keep the door of your skylight 
open, sir? 

FINDLEY— No, it's always kept locked. 

CLANCEY— I found it open. 

FINDLEY-^Broken open ? 

CLANCEY — No, sir. Opened with this key, and 1;his 
bunch of keys was in the lock, — (Shows bunch of keys. 
Another look between Findley and Judge. Findley takes 
the keys and he and Judge look at same; Poole crosses to 
left centre. Judge takes Sidney to sofa R., sits) 

JUDGE — Now, don't let anything these men say 
alarm you, dear. — (A significant look between Glancey and 
Poole.) — Do you remember just what you did with your 
keys? 

SIDNEY — (Who is seated on sofa.) — I put them in 
my desk. 

JUDGE — And that's the last time you saw them? 

SIDNEY — No, I took them out and showed them to 
Gordon, then I left them on the table there. 

JUDGE — Gordon saw you take them out of your desk ? 

SIDNEY— Yes. 

JUDGE — And put them on the table ? 

SIDNEY — Yes. — (Judge crosses above table to Glan- 
cey; Findley crosses to settee right, takes Sidney in hi4 
arms.) 



60 THREE WISE FOOLS 

JUDGE — All right, dear, all right. — (Crosses to Clan- 
cey.) — Now you say you saw a woman about Miss Pair- 
child's size leaving this house late at night. 

CLANCEY— Yes, sir. 

JUDGE — Did. she come out of the front door? 

CLAN'CEY — No, sir, by the basement door. 

JUDGE — How was she dressed? 

•CLAN CEY— She had on a dark dress. It was black, 
I should say. Sort of shabby looking. 

PINDLEY — Well, Sidney hasn't any dark dress, and 
nothing that looks shabby. I can guarantee that. I had 
a hand in selecting her wardrobe myself. — (His face sud- 
denly hecomes grim und he exchanges an odd look with the 
Judge — Sidney watching them closely.) 

JUDGE — Where is that dress you wore when you first 
came here, Sidney f 

FINDLEY— What? 

SIDNEY— I don't know. 

JUDGE — You don't know? — (Clancey crosses up cen- 
tre.) 

SIDNEY— Mrs. Saunders took it. — (All look relieved; 
Judge crosses up to left of C. door — pulls hell cord, crosses 
down hack of table to B.C. — to Sidney.) 

JUDGE— When did she take it dear? 
, SIDNEY — The day after I came here. — (Enters Mrs. 
Saunders door left 2nd entrance, crvsses down L.C.) 

JUDGE — Oh, then you haven't had that dress for 
a month? 

SIDNEY— No, sir. 

JUDGE — (Turns, sees Saunders, crosses to C. in front 
of table-) — Saunders, do you remember *the dress Miss 
Fairchild wore the evening she first came to us? 

SAUNDERS — (Astonished at their faces.) — Yes, sir. 

JUDGE — Do you know what became of it? 

SAUNDERS— I took it. 

JUDGE— When did you take it? 

SAUNDERS— The day after she came. When Mr. 
Findley bought her new things, sir. 

JUDGE— What did you do with it? 

SAUNDERS — Threw it in the old clothes hamper, 
sir, in the back hall. I didn't think she'd want it again. 

JUDGE— Is it there now? 



THREE WISE FOOLS 61 

SAUNDERS — It was uiiti] this noon, sir. 1 sent it 
with a bundle of old clothes to the Mission. — (Findley looks 
triumph; bus. of Clancey looking puzzled.) 

JUDGE — (Soto voice.) — That will do Saunders. 

SAUNDERS — (Crosses up to door, L. 2nd entrance; 
Poole intercepting her; Judge crossing to centre right.) 

POOLE — Do you keep that hamper locked, ma'am? — 
(Judge crossing hack to centre in front of table-) 

SAUNDERS— The old clothes hamper? Lord, no. 

POOLE — So it would be an easy thing to take that 
dress out and put it back again 1 

JUDGE — ^^Poole — (Poole turns away from Saunders.) 

POOLE — Yes, sir. — (Saunders crosses to door L. 2nd 
and opens same.) 

JUDGE — You say you wanted to question the ser- 
vants. — (Poole comes a little to L. of G.) 

POOLE— I did, but— 

JUDGE — (Crosses up to library door.) — ^Show him 
where to go, Saunders. 

SAUNDERS— r^^ door L. 2nd.)— This way.— (Exit 
Poole door left 2nd.) 

JUDGE — You better go with him. 

(yLANCEY — It wouldn't be much use now. 

JVDGE— (Sternly.)— WeW, go anyway. 

•CLANCEY — Yes, sir. — (Exit hurriedly through door 
L. 2nd entrance, followed' by Saunders.) 

JUDGE — (Who is going upstairs.) — Teddy, you look 
after Sidney. See that she doesn't worry. I shan't be 
long. — (Exit upstairs.) 

FINDLEY — (Sitting down beside her, takes her hand.) 
There, there, Sidney. Those fellows don't know what 
they're talking about, and we'll forget all about it. — (Find- 
ley rises, crosses to chair right of table centre, brings chair 
to B.C. sits facing Sidney.) 

SIDNEY— I'm afraid I can't. 

FINDLEY — Now, now% now, I know those fellows 
frightened you nearly to death, the fools. Why that man 
frightened me the same way the first night you came here. 
(Enters Dr. G. right centre, crosses down R.G. back of Sid- 
ney.) 

DR. GAVNT— (Cheerily.)— Well, w^ll, well, why 
aren't you at the opera. — (Sees Sidney.) — Why, Sidney, 
what's the matter? 



62 THREE WISE FOOLS 

FINDLEY — That fool detective has been frightening 
her half to death. — ( Rises ^ crosses to table with chair.) 

DR. GAUNT— ^To Sidney)— What did he say to you? 

FINDLEY — The fool insists — he saw her leaving the 
house late at night. 

DR. GAJji^T— (Exploding)— They thought that you 

— did they say — well upon my word — our police are the 

limit for stupidity and arrogance — (Crossing to left centre.) 

FINDLEY — (Same tone.) — They think someone in 
the house let that fellow in. 

DR. GAUNT— Well, he's right. 

FINDLEY — (Rises, place chair hack of table.) — 
What? 

DR. GAUNT — Some one in the house did let him in, 
and I know who it was. 

FINDLEY — Well, Avho was it? — (Sidney rises.) 

DR. GAUNT — Gray. — (Sidney re-seats.) — ^^He just 
told me all about it. It w^as all very simple. — (Dr. Gaunt 
is down L.C.) — Benny the Duck came to the front door, 
rang the bell, Gray let Benny in, Benny knocked Gray out 
and there you are. 

FINDLEY — (Crosses to Sidney helps her to rise.) — 
Now are you satisfied? You've been tried and found inno- 
cent. — (Sidney attempting to smile, crosses to C. Judge 
enters down the stairs with Sidney's blue satin slippers, he 
lays them on the table L. C. with the heels toward the audi- 
ence, his face grave.) — It's all right, Jimmy, the mystery 
is solved. It was Gray who let Benny in. 

JUDGE — (Crosses down to C. in front of table.) — ^^So 
I've just heard. Now what we are trying to determine is 
who let him out. — (Br. crosses down L.C. Findley R.C.) 

FINDLEY — What's the matter, Jimmy? Have you 
discovered anything? Have you found out how that fellow 
got those keys ? 

'SIDNEY — (Quickly turns upstage C. his back to au- 
dience.) — Oh — 

JUDGE — (taking her hand and looking searchingly 
into her -face.) — My dear girl — as long as you had nothing 
to do with this affair you haven't the slightest cause for 
alarm. The fact that you had those keys doesn't prove 
anything at all. And if they happened to be on this table 
when the man was in the room — it's almost certain he'd 
take them. Now when you left the room you were here 
with Gordon? 



THREE WISE FOOLS 63 

SIDNEY— Yes. 

JUDGE — And what did you do after Gordon left? 

SIDNEY — I went up to my room. 

JUDGE — But vou didn't come back here again? 

SIDNEY— No.* 

JUDGE — Then you were in your room all the time 
until you came down and found us here? 

SIDNEY— Yes. 

JUDGE — And you heard no disturbance, no unusual 
sound ? 

SIDNEY — No, not that I remember. 

JUDGE — (Drops Sidney's hands.) — Now think, Sid- 
ney. Did you for any reason at all go up to the top floor ? 

SIDNEY— No. 

JUDGE — You're quite sure? 

SIDNEY— Yes. 

JUDGE — Now, Sidney, don't let this frighten you. 
I've been too many years on the criminal bench to be de- 
ceived by circumstantial evidence. I don't want you to feel 
that I think this counts in any way against you. — (Puts 
hand in pocket and draws out something; keeps hand 
closed.) — But how could it be possible for a buckle from one 
of your blue satin slippers to be found on the threshold of 
the door to the skylight. 

SIDNEY — (Sinks down in chair R. of table C. non- 
plussed-) — I don't know. 

JUDGE — (He turns away, relieved.) 

■SIDNEY — But I did cut one of the .buckles off. 

JUDGE — (Turns hack to her and in a dull voice.) — 
You cut it off? 

SIDNEY — Yes, but that was down here in this room. 
It was hanging by a thread and I cut it off. 

JUDGE— "What did you cut it off with ? 

SIDNEY — With my scissors — on my desk. I laid the 
buckle right down on the keys. — (Dr. Gaunt goes over to 
tctfble L.C., takes up slippers, comes C. with slippers in his 
hand with a look of amazement on his face.) 

JVBGIS^— (Sadly.)— Sidney— Sidney. 

DR. GAUNT — Why, Jimmy, iboth buckles are here. — 
(Findley crossing to R.C) 

FINDLEY — Where's the buckle you had in your 
hand, Jim? 

JUDGE — (Opening hand) — I had no buckle. — (Turn- 
ing away toward left.) — There was no buckle. 



^64 THREE WISE FOOLS 

DR. GAUNT— Sidney— 

FINDLEY— Good God— 

SIDNEY — (Desperately) — Well, perhaps — ^perhaps 
Saunders sewed — ' 

JUDGE — Don't say any more, Sidney. We've found 
out. — (Judge crosses to table left, sits.) 

SIDNEY — (Bursting into tears.) — I do know him — 
I did go out at night, but I didn't know he was coming 
here. I didn't know he knew Judge Trumbull. I swear 
it. — (She falls on knees, hack to audience over table C.) 

FINDLEY — (Coldly — crosses to Sidney, picks her up, 
turns her to him — long pause.) — TIow did you come to 
know such a man? 

SIDNEY — (Pulling Jterself together ivith a sudden 
chill of terror.) — I can't tell you. 

FINDLEY — Has this man a power over you? — (Tears 
hlur her eyes, she says nothing.) 

DR. GAV^T— (Crosses 'to L.C. of Sidney.)— Sidney, 
listen to me. You must try now for all 'Our sakes to realize 
how terrible things look for you. You have confessed 
knowing a criminal who came here tonight to assassinate 
Judge Trumbull. 

SIDNEY— No, no, no. 

FINDLEY — And you helped him to escape. 

DR. GAUNT — (Backing away from her.) — What pos- 
sible relation could you have with such a creature? — (She 
turns and looks at the three; then turns aivay from them.) 

SIDNEY— I can't tell you, I can't tell you. 

FINDLEY — (Angrily) — You will tell. us. — (Sidney 
drawing herself up defiantly. Bus. of crying through Find- 
ley's speech.) 

SIDNEY— I can't, I can't! 

FINDLEY — You want ns to hand you over to the 
police ? 

SIDNEY — (After long pause — sobbing — then in a 
humble voice. Turns to Findley.) — I didn't mean any 
harm — (To Dr.) — I didn't mean any harm — (To Judge) — 
I didn't mean any harm. — (Dr. Gaunt crosses up back of 
table C.) 

FINDLEY— If you don't tell us the truth— tell us 
everything — we'll hand you bag and baggage over to the 
police. 

SIDNEY — (Who has crossed up L.C. towards stairs.) 
I didn't mean any harm — 



THREE. WISE FOOLS _65 

FINDLEY — (Who follows her up to foot of stairs) — 
Where are you going ? 

SIDNEY — To my room. To be ready to go with the 
police. 

FINDLEY — They'll force you to tell everything. 

SIDNP^Y — (Who is up at first landing of stairs.) — 
No, no. They'll never get anything out of me, no, no, 
never, never, never — (Runs weeping out of room and up 
the stairs, exit hutTtedly slamming door hehind her. Judge 
is seated on sofa near f\,replace. Dr. is doiun left centre. 
Findley up hack. Enter Gordon, hursts in gaily, fully 
dressed for the opera.) 

GORDON — (Cheerfully-) — You've got the right idea 
about going to the opera. You'll get there just in time to 
come home. I've hunted all over the horseshoe for you. — 
(Looking from one to the other; they don't notice him. 
Findley has crossed over right near window.) — What's the 
matter? What's up? — (Look about alarmed.) — Where is 
Sidney? Nothing's happened to her? 

DR. GAUNT — Gordon, we accepted Sidney on faith, 
but we should have enquired into her past a little more. 

GORDON — What are you talking about, sir? 

DR. GAUNT — An attempt was made on Judge Trum- 
bull's life since you've been gone. Sidney knew the crimin- 
al and she helped him to escape. — (Cross to C.L.) 

GORDON — You're crazy, sir. 

FINDLEY — (Crosses to Center.)—N<o, Gordon, her 
guilt has been proved absolutely. 

GOUBON— (Turns on /limJ^Guilt? Uncle— have 
you all gone mad? — (Turns to Judge-) — Do you believe 
this. Judge Trumbull? — (Crosses to Judge. Judge slowly 
hows his head. Gordon crosses hack to center.) — Where is 
she ? 

FINDLEY — In her room. 

GORDON — (Starts for stairs.) — I want to see her. 

DR. GAUNT — (Confronting him.) — Gordon, listen, 
there can be no mistake in what we've told you. We not 
only have positive proof, but Sidney herself has confessed 
it. 

GORDON — (Knocked out for a moment.) — ^Sidney 
confessed ? 

DR. GAUNT — ^Yes, Gordon. — (Gordon turns front.) 
She admitted both knowing the man and helping him es- 
cape. \ 



66 THREE WISE FOOLS 

GORDON — And you mean to say you believe her. 
Then you have all gone mad. Sidney, Sidney — (Gordon 
dashes out of room up the stairway to Sidney's room and 
exits. Poole knocks on hall door and comes right in, cross- 
ing to C. R. — to Findley.) 

POOLE — (Excitedly.) — Excuse me, gentlemen, 
they've just telephoned Benny's located at a cheap board- 
ing house on the West side. I told them not to arrest him, 
hut to watch the house until I got there. We may be able 
to get bigger fish. Now ahout that young lady — I 'd like to 
tell you — 

GORDON — (Re-enters hurriedly down the stairs, 
speaking at the same time) — She's not in her room; she's 
gone. 

DR. GAUNT— Gone? 

FINDLEY— Escaped! 

POOLE — If it's the young lady that's under suspi- 
cion, we've got her. 

GORDON— fW/io has crossed to Poole.) — You've got 
her? 

POOLE — She went down the servants' stairs a few 
minutes ago. But the boys are following her. Give her 
plenty of rope, that's my method. — (Starts as if to exit.) 

GORDON — (Turns to Poole.) — ^See here, these gen- 
tlemen were mistaken about Miss Fairchild. — (Turns plead- 
ingly to The Three Wise Men-) — Tell them that's she's in- 
nocent, won't you? — (They all are silent — short pause.) 

FINDLEY — ^But we know she's guilty. 

^(^OUT>0^— (Turning to Findley.)— Guilty 1 Here are 
the pearls you gave her. She left them on her dressing 
case. I suppose you'll think that that's another proof of 
her guilt. — (Throws strijig of pearls down at Findley 's 
feet.) 

POOLE — If she's innocent she can explain that to the 
Commissioner. 

GORDON — Wait a minute, I'm going with you. — 
(Crosses over near the door R.) 

FINDLEY — (He is up center.) — Where are you go- 
ing? 

GORDON — Where I belong — wherever Sidney is. — 
(Judge crossing to the L. of table G.) 

JUDGE— What do you think you can do? 

GORDON — I can't do worse than you have done. 



THREE WISE FOOLS 67 

DR. GAUNT — Wait, Grordon, we know how you feel. 
But don't you see — 

GORDON — Yes, I do see, but you don't. Because 
you're blind. Blind to everything but yourselves. You 
think you're Three Wise Men^but you're not; you're 
three damn old fools, that's what you are — three damn old 
fools. — (Exit Ji urriedly.) 

CURTAIN. 



6S THREE WISE FOOLS 

ACT III. 

SCENE — Same as before. All the flowers have disap- 
peared. Set to he exactly same as first act. It is half an 
hour later. Dr. Gaunt is at' sofa, staring into space. Find- 
ley is center at his card table, looking front. Hold this un- 
til door L.JJ. opens. Saunders enters carrying Sidney's two 
handbags, comes doivn the stairs very quietly, crosses to 
Findley. Findley after awhile pretends to notice Saun- 
ders for the first time. 

Dr. Gaunt ivatches her fixedly and Findley following 
the Doctor's glance sees her also. Mrs. S. has a mournful 
expression on her face and has difficulty in keeping hef 
voice from breaking as she speaks.) 

SAUNDERS — The room is quite cleared out now, Mr. 
Findley. Miss Sidney brougiit these with her when she 
came; shall 1 keep them for her, sir? — (Enter Douglas 
down stairs.) 

FINDLEY — Yes, I suppose they'll be called for. — 
(Saunders crosses stage and exits with the bags, door R. 
Findley has watched her exit, turns and sees Douglas 
standing on his left as he is playing cards.) — What is it, 
Douglas ? 

DOUGLAS — It's about Gray, sir. 

DR. GAUNT — (Quickly — looking up) — He isn't any 
worse is he? 

DOUGLAS — No, sir, but he's insisting on getting up 
and dressing, sir. 

DR. GAUNT^Oh— 

DOUGLAS — He says it's nearing your bedtime, sir, 
and he wants to get up and get your apples and hot water. 
He won't let me do it. 

FINDLEY — Well, you tell him that Dr. Gaunt says 
we are not to have apples and hot water any more, Douglas. 

DOUGLAS — (Starts upstairs to library d.oor. Stops at 
the door.) — ^Beg pardon, sir! 

FINDLEY — Apples and hot water are "ruts," Doug- 
las, and we're not to have ruts here, Douglas, because if 
you get into ruts you're dead, but if you get out of ruts 
and have plenty of excitement and tonic emotions and 
buttercups and daisies and all the other damn things — why 
you can live on forever. 

DOUGLAS— Yes, sir.— (Exits.) 



THREE WISE FOOLS 69 

FINDLEY — (Sarcastically looking at the Doctor who 
is puffing huge clouds of smoke.) — Eminent physhologist. 
Marvelous specialist. Bah! — (Slams card on table imitat- 
ing the Doctor's voice.) — "Ruts, Teddy, ruts — we're all 
dead and we don't, know it, Teddy, because of ruts" — 
(Pause) — 1 like ruts and (by God I want ruts and the next 
time anybody tries to put a stop to my ruts I'll give him 
a kick right in the middle of his sympathetic system. — 
(Pause.) — I don't see why in the name of hell — 

DR. QAimT--i:QMy.—(Findley looks around at Sid- 
ney's writing desk, rises crosses to it — takes coin from poc- 
ket puts it into glass jar — is about to go hack to his own. 
table — turns looks at glass jar, then at Dr. empties all the 
coins into his own hand from jar, places them in his pocket, 
crosses back center and seats himself at his own table.) 

DR. GAUNT — (Coughs self-consciously— trying to 
make conversation.) — I — I've been reading my articles 
over. 

FINDLEY — And by God it serves you right. I wish 
you had to read it over for the rest of your life. — (Dr. re- 
sumes his reading. Findley turns back to his game. Enter 
Saunders and stands on Findley 's right.) 

SAUNDERS — Here's the needle and thread you asked 
for, sir. 

FINDLEY — (After a look at his clothes.) — I asked 
for a needle and thread? 

SAUNDERS — You said you wanted to string the 
pearls, sir. - 

FINDLEY — Oh — (He slowly takes them from his coat 
pocket, looks at them, then takes thread, and slowly begins 
to string the pearls — Saunders watches him for a moment 
and moaning sob-) — Now what's the matter with YOU? 

SAUNDERS— I'm upset, sir. 

FINDLEY — Go away and be upset somewhere else.^ — 
(Saunders goes back of Findley to L.) 

SAUNDERS — I am going away sir, for good. 

FINDLEY— What 's that ? 

SAUNDERS— f Comes back to his L.;— I've got to, 
Mr. Findley. 

FINDLEY — You mean you're giving notice? 

SAUNDERS— Yes, sir, I am. 

DR. 'GAVlSiT— (Rise comes to front of table L.)~ 
Why Saunders what's the trouble? v . 



70 THREE WISE FOOLS 

^AVNDER^— (Crossing to L.C.)—Why, I can't stand 
such goings on, sir. With murderers in the house, and those 
detectives suspecting us all — and your driving out that 
poor girl — (Findley looks at Doctor.) 

PINDLEY— Ah! hah. 

SAUNDERS — I could never be contented here again, 
never. — (Cries.) 

FINDLEY— /To Doctor)— ^^W, Dr. Quack, I hope 
you're satisfied. 

DR. QAV^'T— (Turns to Findley.)— What have I got 
to do with it. 

FINDLEY — What have you got to do with it. Saun- 
ders was in a rut well ordered and happy, she's being 
pulled out violently, rolled among your buttercups and 
now look at the damn thing — (Exit Saunders, door L. C. 
entrance with toss of her head.) 

DR. GAUNT — (After pause — 7'ises, throws medical 
journal on table left — crosses to Findley.) — Teddy, do you 
want to know something? 

FINDLEY — (Who is stringing Sidney's string of 
heads.) — Not from you. 

DR. GAU^T— (With a sigh.)— I don't wonder. 

DR. GAUNT— fW/io is L.'O—We so called psycholo- 
gists are nothing but wind bags — so easy to theorize, and 
yet at the first touch of real life, I collapse like a pricked 
baloon. 

FINDLEY — Well, there's no use crying about it. 

DR. GAUNT — No. That's true, and you must admit — 
(Crossing hack to Findley.) — There was something in my 
theory. The change did lift us, a long way up. 

FINDLEY — It did, and then dropped us. 

DR. GAUNT— I know, I kmw.—( Sighs )^0h, dear !— 
(Crosses hack to sofa L. — sits humbly.) 

FINDLEY — (Rises — crosses down left, pats Dr. on 
arm.) — Oh, come now, Dick. Come! Don't let it get you 
again. Remember we agreed to spend this evening just 
as we always did before — just as we always did. I'm do- 
ing it, I've been playing cards and joking. 

DR. GAUNT — (Looks at him with a rueful laugh.) — 
Yes! 

FINDLEY — ^But I can't joke all alone. Nobody can 
be light-hearted and jolly with everybody else in the house 
sniffling around. — (Findley turns, sees Douglas, who has 
entered door L. 2nd crosses stage, as if to exit door right 



THREE WISE FOOLS 71 

2nd. To Douglas — hotly.) — Now what the devil is the mat- 
ter with you? — (Douglas stops right center.) 

DOUGLAS— The door bell, sir. The Judge, I think. 
(Douglas opens door R. 2nd entrance, leaving it open, and 
exits into hall, as if to open the outside door for the Judge.) 

PINDLEY — Jimmy is (back from the police station. — 
((Crosses back to table left, picks up medical journal.) — 
Come now, don't let him see how you're feeling. 

DR. GAUNT — You mean how we're feeling. 

PINDLEY — I mean how you're feeling — I feel all 
right! — (Grabs up medical journal and pressing it into 
Doctor's hand) — Here, Buttercup, take your damned old 
medical journal and smile at that! — (Quickly scrambles 
back into his seat and begins to play solitaire furiously-) — 
Now, here — for God's sake try to smile! — (Dr. Gaunt pre- 
tends to read. Dr. starts humming the Highland fling. Find- 
ley starts whistling as before, now a trifle louder — Enters 
Douglas in reception hall, followed by Judge Trumbull. 
Judge hands hat to Douglas, and Douglas assists him in re- 
moving coat and muffler. Douglas exits with same. Judge 
enters door R. 2nd entrance, sees Findley and Doctor and 
— starts dancing the Highland Fling singing ta, ta, ta, etc. 
— Findley and the Dr. stop suddenly and look at the Judge 
in litter horror — after a pause — as if nothing had happened 
walks up center and then down R.C.V 

DR. GAUNT— Any news? 

JUDGE — (Trying to speak cheerfully.) — No, Poole 
hadn't put in an appearance or made a report. They're to 
call me up the minute they hear from him. You haven't 
heard anything here? 

DR. 'GAUNT— No, nothing. 

PINDLEY— No, and we don't want to. — (Enters 
Douglas door R. 2nd, crosses down to the R. of the Judge.) 
Why don't you drop it, Jimmy? There's nothing we can 
do. 

JUDGE — I want to know how Sidney knew that man. 
I must know that. 

DOUGLAS — (Solicitiously-) — Won't you have your 
dressing gown and slippers, sir? 

JUDGE — No, I may go out again later. Tell Thomas 
to keep the car here. 

DOUGLAS — Yes, sir. — (Bows, crosses upstage to 
Sidney's ivriting desk speaking at the same time.) — ^Saun- 
ders says this is to go to the attic. — (Picks up Sidney's 



72 THREE WISE FOOLS 

writing desk and exits door right 2nd entrance with desk. 
Judge comes to C. table, picks up pearls ivhere Findley has 
laid them; Dr. Gaunt and Findley watching him, then puts 
them down, crosses down right to large arm chair.) 

DR. GAUNT — (Who with Findley have been watch- 
ing Douglas' exit.) — Think, boys, she left us only an hour 
ago, and already everything of hers has disappeared. — 
(Findley tries to stop Doctor talking on the subject, making 
frantic signals and pantomime. Judge has placed pearls 
upon centre table, walks to settee right C, and sits. 
(Findley whistles; Dr. starts being gay again.) 

FINDLEY — Have a drink, Jimmy. 

JUDGE — (In cheerful tone.) — ^No, thanks. — (Aivk- 
ward silence.) 

FI'SBIjEY~( Disgusted.)— Oh, what the— 

DR. GAUNT — (Breaking silence.) — What do you 
think, Jimmy, Gray wanted to get up and dress, so he 
could bring us our apples and hot water. — (Dr. laughs 
heartily.) 

FINDLEY — Yes, what do you think of that, Jimmy ? 
Ha, ha. — (Laughs very loudly — suddenly stop. Judge 
smiles.) 

DR. GAUNT — (After pause.) — And Saunders has giv- 
en notice. — (Laughs.) 

JUDGE — (Is dismayed. Stops smiling suddenly- 
Rises crosses to center right to Findley — Findley laughing 
hard again.) 

FINDLEY — Yes, old Saunders came in here — ha, ha 
— (See Judge's grave face.) — Oh, I feel rotten! 

JUDGE— Yes, I know, Teddy. 

FINDLEY — (Very miserable) — Well, I always feel 
rotten Saturday night. Next day is Sunday — can't go to 
the office, makes you blue. 

JUDGE — Yes, but this is Thursday, Teddy. — (Cross- 
ing behind Findley to left center — down stage.) 

FINDLEY— Oh— 

DR. GAUNT^ — (Rising throws down medical journal 
on table left.) — Yes, this is Thursday, Teddy! — (Starts 
laughing.) 

FINDLEY — Oh, come from behind your mask. But- 
tercup. — (Findley rises, comes doivn center.) 

JUDGE — (Who is left center — Dr. Gaunt crosses to 
him with back to audience.) — Oh, w^hat's the use of our 
pretending, we're not deceiving anybody. 



THREE WISE FOOLS 73 

DR. GAUNT — (Putting hand on his shoulder.) — Jim- 
my, Jimmy, Jimmy. — (They form a group, Judge with 
left arm on Doctor's shoulder; right one on Findley's; 
Findley ivith arm about Judge.) 

JUDGE — ^Boys, we're nothing ])ut children h)oking 
out 'of windows. 

DR. GAUNT — Cheer up, Jimiuy. At least we've got 
each other. 

FINDLEY — That's right — (About to curse — looks sees 
Sidney's glass jar.) — ^By Gosh — 

DR. GAUNT — After all the love of woman is an un- 
stable thing and for the most part founded on selfishness 
and I believe that— ^ 

FINDLEY — Are you beginning a- speecli ? : 

DR. GAUNT— No, Teddy, I just want to say— 

FINDLEY— I know — you always just want to say — 
and the next thing we know it's bedtime. 

JUDGE— Don't Teddy, go on Diek. 

FINDLEY — Hum — all right, go on. 

DR. GAUNT — Don't worry I am going. We three old 
fossils have formed a triumpvirate that has stood the test 
through many a storm. 

FINDLEY — Now you're saying something. 

DR. GAUNT— And we're going on this way to the 
very last trump, by gad — three guardsmen to the end — 
one for all — 

DR., JUDGE, Ym-DljWi— (Together)— An& all for 
one. — (Raising hands together as if they have swords point- 
ing upivards.) 

' FINDLEY — And from now on we're through with 
w^omen. 

DR. GAUNT— Yes, forever.— ("Dr. crosses to left \st 
entrance, followed, by Judge — Findley crosses to right. En- 
ters Douglas door left 2nd entrance — going to phone picks 
it up.) I 

DOUGLAS — The telephone, gentlemen. 

DR. GAUNT— Is it about Sidney? 
Let me have that, Douglas. 

JUDGE^What does she say 1 Let me 
have it — ^what does she say? 

FINDLEY— Who is it Douglas? Is (Together) 

it from Sidney? Tell me Douglas what 
does she say? — (All three at the same time 
clamoring about Douglas — very excited \ 
fighting for the 'phone.) 



74 THREE WISE FOOLS 

FINDLEY— Who is it, Douglas? 

DOUGLAS — A reporter, sir. — (All with an exclama- 
tion of disgust, return to their former positions; Findley 
crosses and sits in large arm-chair left.) 

FINDLEY — Tell them there's no one here. 

JUDGE — (Sitting dejectedly thinking of Sidney.) — 
N'O one here. — (Douglas exits, door left^ center exit, as if 
to speak in phone off stage. The Three Wise Fools gradu- 
ally become occupied with their own thoughts. Dr. takes 
chair which is right of table left, places it left of table 
center, sits.) 

DR. GAUNT — No one here. — (Staring front dejected- 
ly — after pause Gordon enters — door right 2nd pauses 
takes in situation, takes chair from, up right, brings chair 
down stage, sits right of C. — after pause Findley looks 
down, sees Gordon's feet who is sitting on a line with Find- 
ley, then looks up an sees Gordon, turns back staring front, 
turns looks at Gordon again.) 

FINDLEY — (After a long pause) — Huh! So — so 
youVe come to your senses have you? — (Judge and Dr. 
look toward Gordon.) 

GORDON— Yes, sir. 

FINDLEY — Thought it was best to come hack here? 

GORDON— Yes, sir. 

FINDLEY— ('Wi^/^ a grunt)— AW right. What have 
you come back for? — (Pause). 

GORDON — To see if you three had come to your 
senses. — (Pause.) — Have you? — (Dr. and Judge look at 
Gordon.) 

FINDLEY — No! If we had we wouldn't let you in 
the house after what you've said. 

GORDON — I know. I lost my temper. But I'm sorry 
for w^hat I said. I meant every word of it. — (Look from 
Three Wise Men.) — ^But I'm sorry I said it. 

FINDLEY — (Sarcastically ) — Did you come back here 
to tell us that ? 

'GORDON — I came back to talk it over. 

FINDLEY— ("Pawse;— Well the subject is closed. 

GORDON — Then I'm going to open it again. — (Judge 
moves, Gordon rises, crosses to table center.) — I want to 
know this — if I could prove to you three that Sidney's in- 
nocent of any wrong doing whether you would agree not to 
make any charge against her. — (They all look at him in 
great surprise.) 



THREE WISE POOLS 75 



FINDLEY — Then you've not come to your senses? — 
(Gordon crosses to Findley who is right, still sitting.) 

GORDON— Why haven't I? 

FINDLEY — Not if you still believe she's innoceni 

GORDON — Believe she's innocent? — (Crossing hack 
to his position right of table center — facing audience.) — I 
know she's innocent. — (All jump up and surround him.) 

FINDLEY — Tell us what you mean, 
Gordon ? 

JUDGE — Have you found any new (Together) 
evidence ? 

DOiCTOR— What is it you've heard? 

FINDLEY— How do you know "i— (Pause.) 

GORDON — I've looked into her eyes. — (All groan and 
resume their seats.) 

FINDLEY— My aodl—(Sits down disgusted-) 

FINDLEY — (After a pause) — Then you've seen her, 
have you? 

GORDON — Not since you drove her away. 

FINDLEY — (Losing his temper) — Now I won't stand 

GORDON — (Who is right center of table.) — All 
right, sir. Not since she left then — I want to tell you 
something, Uncle, and I 'd like to have Dr. Gaunt and the 
Judge hear it too — (All look at Gordon) — I don't know 
whether any of you will be able to understand what I mean, 
but I love Sidney. 

JUDGE — (Quietly) — Why should you think that's 
hard for us to understand, Gordon ? 

GORDON — Why you all seemed so darned surprised — 
(Gordon crosses to left to Judge.) — just (because I don't 
jump at the conclusion that Sidney's guilty of some hor- 
rible crime. 

JUDGE — 'Gordon, you can't imagine that we wanted 
to distrust Sidney ; why we love her too. 

GORDON — Why, Judge, I don't think you know what 
love means. — (Bus. of all three looking at Gordon.) 

JUDGE — Well, perhaps you can tell us what it means, 
Gordon. 

GORDON — I can tell you what it means to me. It 
means there isn't any use of anything without Sidney. If 
I've got to lose her I don't care what happens; the whole 
world just stops for me — that's all. Then there's another 
thing about it that's worse still — ^much worse. — (Turns 
faces Findley and Doctor.) — Sidney's in trouble, whether 



76 THREE WISE FOOL S 

she's innocent or guilty, or .good or bad, or whatever she is 
she's in trouble and this is a hell of a time to stop and 
/bother about whether she's guilty or not.. 

JUDGE — (Rises) — Gordon, I'm afraid I admire you 
and care more for you at this moment than I ever did be- 
fore, and I'm very .certain that I envy you. 

GORDON — Why is it, sir, that you all want to give 
Sidney the worst of it? 

FINDLEY — (Rises, after regarding Gordon in aston- 
ishment for a moment.) — You mean to say you think we've 
been giving Sidney the worst of it. 

GORDON — (Crossing center to Findley) — I do, yes. 

FINDLEY — ^Perhaps you can explain how, 

GORDON — Well, I can try. You say a criminal came 
into the house to kill the Judge. 

FINDLEY— Yes. 

GORDON— Well, why didn't he do it? 

FINDLEY — Because he was alarmed by the police. 

GORDON — Well, who alarmed the police? 

FINDLEY— I don't know. 

GORDON^Well, if ' you cared for Sidney as much as 
I do, you'd have found out. They were alarmed by a 
police whistle? 

FINDLEY— What?— (i)r. Rises.) 

GORDON — Someone in the house blew a police 
whistle. 

FINDLEY— How do you know? 

GORDON — Poole told me. Now none of the servants 
blew it. I've asked them all. And unless one of you three 
did. it must have been Sidney. Why, Judge, you owe your 
life to Sidney, that's w^hat I think. — (Crosses to Judge.) 

DR. GAUNT — Why, this is amazing, Gordon. 

GORDON — Then there's another thing — you surely 
wouldn't want to have Sidney arrested unless she done 
something wrong. Now what do you think she's done? 
It's certain she didn't want to rob you. She even left the 
pearls here that you gave her. It's certain she didn't want 
to do you any injury, because she alarmed the police, and 
there was no reason for her to do you any wrong. No 
motive. — (Crossing hack to Findley, who is center right.) 
Can't you see that. Uncle? 

FINDLEY — (Penitently — humbly — hands on Gor- 
don's shoulder) — Gordon, is there anything you want us 
to do for you ? 



THREE WISE POOLS 



/ i 



GORDON— (Quickly)— Yes, sir, I don't want you to 
make any charges against her, so that they won't take lier 
to jail, 

JUDGE — I'm afraid thnt won't make any diffenmce 
if Poole 'finds her. 

GORJ^ON-f Crossing to left— to Judge-)— y^hy,V()ole 
won't liave her arrested unless you prefer charges against 
her. 

JUDGE— What? 

GORDON — Poole believes that slie is innocent; he's 
ready to swear to it. 

JUDGE— What makes you think that? 

GORDON — Because T had a heart to heart talk with 
him, and I made him understand that if Sidney doesn't 
see the inside of a jail he's going to be a very rich man. 
(Pause — Findley crosses up stage and down.) 

FINDLEY— Ah, ha— 

GORDON— At first he thought he couldn't let her go, 
but after — (hesitates) — after we came to an understanding 
he said he'd have her brought here, and if you three refuse 
to accuse her he would let her go. 

JUDGE — Did you say you hadn't seen Sidney? 

GORDON — No, sir, I wanted to go w^ith Poole but 
when I found her fate was up to you gentlemen I thought 
it was best to come iback and talk to you. . 

JUDGE — Well you needn't worry about us, Gordon, 
we'll do everything we can for her. 

DR. GAUNT — Yes, everything, Gordon. 

GORDON — (With great relief) — You're a brick, sir. 
You're all bricks — even uncle. — (Enter Douglas door R.C.) 

DOUGLAS— Mr. Foole— (All turn quickly. Poole en- 
ters — nil three men crowd about hiyn — Poole crosses doivn 
right center — Douglas exits door R. 2nd.) 

JUDGE— Have you found her ? 

DR. GAUNT — Did you bring her with (Together.) 
you ? 

FINDLEY— Where is she? 

POOLE — She's outside in the car. 

FINDLEY— What car?- 

POOLE — (Indicating Gordon) — This gentleman's; he 
insisted upon my using it. Swellest ride I ever had, sir. 

FINDLEY — Well, why the devil- did you leave her 
outside? , 



78 THBEE WISE FOOLS 

POOLE — She doesn't want to come in.— ( They look 
at him for a moment.) 

GORDON— No wonder. 

POOLE — (Crossing to Gordon who is left center.)— 
Your orders were, sir, that I wasn't to force her to do 
anything. — (To Gordon.) — ^Could you get them to agree 
not to prefer any charges, sir ? 

¥T^T>lSEiY— (Coming up to him hotly) — Well, has 
anyone around here preferred charges? 

POOLE — (Crossing to B.C. looking at him in surprise) 
Why I thought — 

■FINDLEY — Oh, you thought — well we'd have less 
trouble around here if you'd stop thinking. Now we're not 
making any charges and have no idea of making any 
charges. Is that clear? 

POOLE— Yes, sir. 

FINDLEY— Well, then.— (Goes upstage to C. Doug- 
las enters — removes chair up to C. L. of D.) 

T>0\JGhAS^(To Poole.) — One of your men, sir. — 
(Poole turns up). 

CLANCEY — (Enters) — We brought him over here, 
chief. 

POOLE — Brought who over here? 

CLANCEY — (Surprised.) — Benny the Duck. 

POOLE— What the devil did you do that for? 

CLANCEY— Wasn't those your orders? 

POOLE — My orders— no. 

CLANCEY— Well, that's what Grogan told us; to 
report here with the prisoner, he said. 

POOLE — No — no, what I told Grogan was about the 
young lady — if they got her before I arrived. I was go- 
ing to bring her here ? 

CLANCEY— Well, he didn't tell me that. 

GORDON— rZ. to i^.CJ— Can't you bring that fellow 
in here, Poole ? 

POOLE — Why, yes, sir. Certainly, anything you say. 
Go get him, Clancey. — (Signals Clancey who exits.) 

GORDON— fTo Three ilfe>^;— ^Perhaps we can 
get something out of him so that we could go out and 
apologize to Sidney. She'd want to come in then. Doug- 
las, tell Saunders that Miss Sidney — (Smile from Douglas) 
IS outside in my car and have her go out and keep her 
company ? 



THREE WISE FOOLS 79 

DOUGLAS — (Face lighting up.) — Yes, sir. — (Exit 
quickly D.R. in F. Clancey and Policeman enter with Ben- 
ny between them. Gordon and the three men turn and look 
at him curiously.) 

POOLE — (Goiyig np and taking Benny's arm) — All 
right — I've got him. — (Clancey and Policeman exit. Poole 
fakes Benny down stage.) — >Come over here, Benny. 

BENNY — What are you (bringing me here for ? 

POOLE — These gentlemen want to know what you 
did when you came here tonight. 

BENNY — You won't get nothin' out of me. — (Sud- 
denly sees the Judge.) — That's him — there's the — (tries to 
go for the Judge — a general moveonent.) 

PO'OLE — (Tightening his hold on him-) — None of 
that — that won't get you anything. Now how'd you make 
a get-away? Come on, come across. 

BENNY — No, not me — no not a word. You got me 
all right, but I'm the only one you got, and you can't get 
me to spill anything — I'm no squealer, do you hear? — (He 
has worked himself up to a frenzy and shouts the last] 
line to Poole.) 

DR. GAUNT — Now just a moment — let me look at 
this man. — (Goes to Benny, ivho is down R. 1 E.) — It's all 
right, Benny, I'm a doctor. 

BENNY— Huh ! 

DR. GAUNT— That's better— just look at me— don't 
be afraid. We want to help you if we can — that's it — just 
look at me a minute. — (Lifts his right eyelid.) — ^Y'ou're 
not as strong as you were. 

BENNY — I'm strong enough. 

DR. GAUNT— Doesn't it hurt you there, Benny — 
sometimes? — (Touches the hack of his neck. Benny 
winces.) 

BENNY— Yes, it does. 

DR. GAUNT — Just as I thought. This man is sick, 
Poole, he ought to be in a hospital ! 

BENNY— No, I'm all right. 

DR. GAUNT — Now, Benny, I'm going to see if I can 
help you. We don't want you to say anything that would 
incriminate- anyone else, we just want you to tell us why 
you broke into this house. 

'BEl<\NY—( Savagely.)— ril tell you that. It was to 
get him. — (Points to Judge.) — That's why I did. 



80 THREE WISE FOOLS 



DR. GAUNT — Now, now. You didn't know anyone 
else in this house 1 

BENNY— No. 

DR. GAUNT — And you didn't see anyone in here you 
knew? 

BENNY — (Glancing about frightened) — No. — (Doug- 
las enters hall door, comes to Gordon.) 

DOUGLAS — Saunders is Ijringing Miss Sidney in, 
sir. 

PINDLEY— Ah Sidney ! 

BENNY — (Starts about ivildly.) — Take me out of 
here. — (Imploringly: to Br. Gaunt.) — Make them take me 
out of here, will you? I'll talk to you if you will. I'll tell 
you everything I can. 

GORDON — (Urgently.) — Do doctor, ipleQ.se.—(Goes 
to Douglas. Dr. Gaunt goes quicMy to dining-room door.) 

DR. GAUNT — ( Speaking. )^Brmg him in here, 
Poole. 

'POOh^— (Going up quickly with Benny c-ifs. fol- 
loived by Dr. Gaunt.) 

GOUBON— (Turns to Douglas)— Douglas, ask Miss 
Sidney if I may see her for a moment. Tell her it's most 
important, 

DOUGLAS — ^Yes, sir. — (Exits in hallway, clositig 
door.) 

GORDON — Uncle, will you and the Judge go in too? 

FINDLEY— What? ..Oh! Gome on, Jimmy.— (Exit 
Findley — closing both doors with an inquisitive ear, Gor- 
don crosses to fireplace, his hands clenched — walks tip and, 
down in front of the fireplace keeping his eye 07i the hall- 
door R. which Douglas re-opens slowly and. Sidney stands 
on the threshhold — Douglas closes door.) 

SIDNEY — You wanted to see me? 

GORDON — (Goes center beloiv table.) — Yes, I do. 

SIDNEY — (Closes door and goes slowly to him — she 
stands facing him. Gordon stands motionless looking into 
her eyes. After a pause — beginning a sentence.) — You — 
vou've heard about it — (She can't continue.) 

GORDON— Yes— 

SIDNEY — Why did you want to see me ? 

GORDON — Sidney — I want to ask you just one ques- 
tion ? 

SIDNEY — (Turning front and shaking her head.)— 
I can 't — what is the question ? 



THREE WISE FOOLS 81 

GORDON— Will you marry me? 

SIDNEY — (After a long pause — she stands perfectly 
motionless, looking at him, then, her face lights up a little, 
and she raises her hands slightly and then lets them fall to 
her sides; she then speaks in a little surprised tone.) — .' 
Why— 

GORDON— Because I love you and want you to be 
mv wife. 

SIDNEY— Don't you know that I wouldn't— 

GORDON-^Sidney. 

SIDNEY — Gordon, I can't tell you what this means 
for you to ask me to — You said tonight that you knew that 
I loved you — I do — 'but just think you're asking a woman 
to marry you who's under arrest. 

GORDON— Don't talk that way, Sidney. 

SIDNEY— But it's true. 

GORDON— iBut it isn't — that's all been ^settled. And 
they realize now they made a terrible mistake. 

SIDNEY — You mean that I am free. 

GORDON— Of course. 

SIDNEY — Gordon, Mr. Poole told me that you had 
him bring me here and that you were trying to — 

GORDON— Don't speak of it, Sidney. 

SIDNEY— (^Cro5ses to L.C.)—1 can't thank you. 
There aren't any words. I can only love you, and say 
good-bye. 

GORDON — (Crossing to her) — ^But where are you 
going? 

SIDNEY — (Crossing up L.C. towards stairs) — Please 
don't ask me that. I've got something to do that I can't 
tell anyone about. 

GORDON — But you can tell me, I wouldn't let any- 
one know — I wouldn't breathe it to a soul. 

SIDNEY— You wouldn't? 

GORDON — No, and I'm sure you're doing the right 
thing, Sidney. I know I would be doing exactly the same 
thing myself if I only knew what the devil it was. — (Doug- 
las knocks at door R. 2nd entrance, entering immediately). 

DOUGLAS — Excuse me, sir, ibut there's a man here 
to see Mr. Poole, he says it's very urgent. 

GORDON — He's in there. — (Points to dining room. 
Douglas goes to dining room door — opens it — showing all 
three men at the door in listening attitude. Gordon crosses 
lo door left 2nd entrance, at entrance of Findley, Gordon 



82 THREE WISE FOOLS 

confused, exits hurriedly, followed hy Sidney. Douglas 
steps hack apologetically. Judge and Doctor closes door 
quickly. Bus. hetween Douglas and Findley. Findley 
tumbles into the room, turns quickly to go out, hut the Doc- 
tor and the Judge have quickly closed the doors in his face. 
Sidney and Gordon have gone out door L. — he turns find- 
ing them gone — then turning R. discovers Douglas stand- 
ing ill at ease.) 

FINDLEY — (Bursting with wrath as he finds a vic- 
tim) — What the hell do you mean opening that door with- 
out knocking? Don't you know how to knock at a door. 
Open the door like that and a man standing right there. 
What do you want anyway ? 

DOUGLAS — A man to see Mr. Poole, sir. 

FINDLEY— One of his men? 

DOUGLAS— I don't know, sir. 

FINDLEY — Well, tell him to come in here. 

DOUGLAS — Yes, sir. — (Douglas opens door R. 2nd 
entrance, holds it open, for Craivshay to enter, as Crawshay 
enters, Douglas closes door and exits. Crawshay enters, 
looking about, comes down right center. Findley turns and 
sees him. Findley crossing to Crawshay, who is R.C.) 

FINDLEY — I believe you wanted to — (Crosses in 
front of table center. As Crawshay recognizes Findley he 
turns front. Findley half recognizes Crmivshay, stops 
speaking; goes over to him; he comes down close in order 
to see his face.) — John Crawshay — don't you remember 
me, Jack? 

CRAWSHAY — Yes, I'm looking for a man named 
Poole. — (Pause.) — ^He's a detective. They told me he's in 
here. 

FINDLEY— What do you want with Poole? 

CRAWSHAY — There's a reward out for me, and I 
want him to get it. I thought if he did — 

FINDLEY — You mean you're giving yourself up. 
Now see here — you escaped from prison with Benny the 
Duck. 

CRAWSHAY— Yes. 

FINDLEY — I want you to tell me something. Jack. 
Do you know a girl named Sidney Fairchild? 

CRAWiS HAY— That's why I'm here. 

FINDLEY — (Quickly) — Tell me what you know 
about her. 



THREE WISE FOOLS 83 

CRAWSHAY— I've heard she's in the hands of the 
police, and I know she's innocent. I brought all this 
trouble on her, and she's innocent. 

FINDLEY — (Pause.) — How did you come to know 
her? 

CRAWSHAY — In Atlanta. They were showing her 
through the prison, and she stopped and talked with me. 

FINDLEY— And did she talk to Benny the Duck, 
too ? 

CRAWSHAY — Yes; his cell was next to mine, and 
then she came again ; she came as often as they 'd allow it 
until we got away. 

FINDLEY — And Sidney knew you were going to 
escape ? 

CRAWSHAY — No, we didn't know it ourselves until 
that night when the chance came. 

FINDLEY — Then how did she find you were in New 
York? 

CRAWSHAY — (Benny sent her word. And then she 
came here and she's been helping us ever since. Why we'd 
have starved if it hadn't been for her. I wish to Ood we 
had now. Why she — ^oh, but I'm wasting time. Won't 
you let me see Mr. Poole. 

FINDLEY— You don't need to see him now, Jack. 

CRAWSHAY— What do you mean? Tell me what 
you mean. 

FINDLEY — I mean Sidney's free and none of the 
police are going to arrest her or come near her, I can prom- 
ise you that. 

CUAWBRAY— (With great relief.)— Thank God! 

FINDLEY— But why didn't she tell us.— (Cross to R. 
corner.) — Why didn't she confide in us. 

CRAWSHAY — How could she — ^the poor girl knew if 
she told you it would be your duty to notify the authori- 
ties and that you would be held criminally responsible if 
you didn 't. 

FINDLEY— That's true. 

■CRAWiSHAY— No, don't hold that against her. 

FINDLEY — Hold it against her, I'm not holding any- 
thing against ber. Why I'm going to have her marry m}> 
nephew. You don't think I'd do that if I held anything 
against her, do you? 

CRAWSHAY — Your nephew? The one she calls 
Grordon ? 



84 THREE WISE FOOLS 

FINDLEY— That's the one. And I can tell you that 
he 's the — er — well never mind that. Jack, I never did be- 
lieve you were guilty,, never and that's a fact. Was I 
right? ' . 

CRAWSHAY— Yes, I was not guilty. But that's 
over long ago. I was convicted ; the evidence Was conclus- 
ive; there were the notes with my endorsement.' I was 
helpless, why I- — (Dining-room door opens, Poole enters 
with Benny. Dr. and Judge following them, as they come 
on. Crawshay pushes Findley firmly away and steps up to 
Poole quickly- — who has advanced right centre.) 

'BENNY — (Seeing Craivshay for the first time, crosses 
down right center. Findley is right corner.) — Governor ! 

CRAWSHAY — (Crossing to right center.)— Is your 
name Boole ? 

BOOLE — (Who is center right — after glance at Ben- 
ny.) — That's my name. 

CRAWSHAY — I am John Crawshay, and I'm ready 
to go with you! 

BENNY — Oh, Governor, what are you doing? You're 
crazy. They couldn't have got you. I didn't squeal, and 
she's all right. They've got nothing on her at all; they 
told me so. 

CRAWSHAY— (Quickly)— Stop, Bennie, don't say 
don't say any more. 

BENNY — Yes, I will, I'll say everything now. It will 
kill her if you are sent up again, it will kill her. 

DR. GAUNT— What do you mean, Benny? 

BENNY — I'll tell you what I mean. He's her father, 
Doc. 

CRAWSHAY— Benny— 

BENNY — Oh, you can't stop me now. He's, her 
father, and it will kill her if he goes Ijack. 

BOOLE — (Takes Benny hy arm.) — ^That will do, Ben- 
ny. 

B^'N'^Y-—( H esitating . ) — No, no, wait a minute, will 
you lend me your pencil. Doc. 

DR. GAUNT — (Taking fountain pen from his pocket) 
Will this do ? 

BENNY^Yes, that's better. €an I sit down there a 
minute? — (Indicates card table.) 

DR. GUANT — (Places chair behind table center.) — 
All right, Boole. — (Signals Poole to allow Benny to sit at 
card tahle centre. Benny takes pen, pauses^ thinking hard 



THREE WISE FOOLS 85 

for a ma^ment then picks up one of the playing cards, makes 
a few marks on it, throws it away\ takes another card and 
■writes for a moment very slowly ; all watch him curiously ; 
he finishes writing^ rises, hands pen to Doctor and indicat- 
ing Craw shay, speaks.) 

BENNY-nShow him that, will you']— (He hands the 
Doctor the card: Dr. looks at the card, blankly, crosses to 
right of center and hands it to Crawshay, who glances at 
it; starts slightly, then his face slowly expresses amaze-* 
ment; after a pause.) 

FINDLEY— What is it, Jack ? 

CRAWSHAY — (In low tone, handing card to Find- 
ley.) — My signature. 

POOLE — (Who has taken card and looked at it.) — 
Well, I 'm damned. 

BENNY — Now you know it all, Governor,- now you 
know what I've 'been keeping from you ever since I first 
met you in the pen. 

FINDLEY — (Crossing to Benny, right center.) — Yes, 
it was me. — (Gordon enters, from library.) 

'GORDON — Oh, I say. Uncle — (Findley crosses up 
R.C. Findley sees Gordon, crosses up to stairs left.) 

FINDLEY — Just a minute, Gordon.— (Gordon closes 
library door quietly, stands staring at them. )^-Better go in 
the hall, Dick. 

GORDON— fO# stage.)— Whit Sidney.— (Gordon exit 
through library. Dr. Gaunt goes to hall door and opens it.' 
Findley comes to Crawshay.) 

DR. GAUNT— Will you step out here, Poole "i— (Find- 
ley crosses to window right, then up to center right.) 

FINDLEY— ^To Crawshay.)— She's in there.— ^^x^ 
Benny, followed by Poole. Door right 2nd entrance.) 

CRAWSHAY — Don't let her see Benny and me if 
you can help it, please. 

JUDGE — (Crossing from center to right center to 
Crawshay — offers hand.) — Mr. Crawshay, I am Judge 
Trumbull. 

CRAWSHAY— f 5 us. of shaking hands.)— Yes I 

JUDGE — I want you to feel that I'm entirely at your 
service, and I assure you that your case will be reopened 
at once. — (Sees that Poole has made an exit.) — Oh, Mr. 
Poole — (Exit door right 2nd entrance. Re-enter Gordon 
from library left 3rd entrance.) 

GORDON— Oh, Uncle. 



86 THREE WISE FOOLS 

CRAWSHAY — (Crosses up and starts for right U.E.; 
turns sees Gordon — to Findley.) — Teddy, is that Grordon? 

FINDLEY— ("ProitcZ^i/.;— Yes, that's Gordon.— (Craw- 
shay looked at Gordon fixedly for a moment, then smiles and 
suddenly exits out the hall door, right 2nd entrance. Gor- 
don comes down stairs from library to center.) 

GORDON— Wh— who's that, XJnele "I— (Findley cross- 
es down center.) 

FINDLEY — An escaped convict named John Craw- 
shay. — (Pause — look.) 

GORDON — (Astonished-) — 'Crawshay, what's he do- 
ing here ? 

FINDLEY — He's given himself over to the police? 

GORDON — (Looks at his uncle dumbfounded — speaks 
deliberately.) — Good heavens. 

FINDLEY— What's the matter? 

GORDON — I can't tell you; I've given my word I 
wouldn 't. 

FINDLEY — You mean you can't tell me he is Sidney's 
father? 

GORDON— How did you know? 

FINDLEY — You're not the only one around here who 
can find out things. 

GORDON— What can I say to Sidney, Uncle? How 
can I break the news to her. 

FINDLEY — I'm surprised that such a brilliant fel- 
low as you are, would come to jne for any advice ! 

GORDON— Oh, don't joke about it, uncle? If you 
knew how that girl has been trying — ^what she's been do- 
ing — and there isn't anybody in the world like her. It's 
awful to have to tell her the police have got him. — (Crosses 
upstage left center — crosses down stage left center.) — It's 
awful. 

FINDLEY— Well, how would you like to tell her that 
he's n|ot guilty? And that he'll be a free man -before the 
month is out. 

GORDON— Oh, I'd be willing to die to tell her that. 

FINDLEY — Go do it then. I mean tell her — never 
mind about dying just yet. 

GORDON — You mean it? You really mean it? 

FINDLEY — Every word of it. We've just had posi- 
tive proof and the Judge has taken his case and is out 
there going over it with him now. And if you don't know 
what that means, I do. 



THREE WISE FOOLS 87 

GORDON— (With a little sc>6.;— Uncle— (He dives for 
his iDicle and hugs him violently — Findley is greatly sur- 
prised and embarrassed — is just about to embrace Gordon.) 

PTNDLEY — Here, what the hell are you doing. 

GORDON — (Recoiling from him, very confused.) — 
Damned if I know. — (Exit quickly door left, second en- 
trance.) — ^^Oh, Sidney, Sidney — (Enters Judge and Dr. 
daunt. Judge crosses to Findley ivho has crossed to left 
(enter; Dr. follows him; Findley sees them and subsides). 

FINDLEY — What have you done, Jimmy ? 

JUDGE — (Crossing to Findley-) — He's gone with 
Poole. It will only be a matter of a few days. 

DR. GAUNT — Yes, that's all and we're all going to 
take a long — (suddenly sobering.) 

FINDLEY— What's the matter? 

DR! gaunt — What are we going to say to Sidney? 
* FmBhEY— (Dismayed.)— Oh, my God. 

DR. GAUNT— She ought to be told, of course. 

FINDLEY — Don't worry — she's being told. 

JUDGE— Where is she ? "^ 

FINDLEY— In there. 

JUDGE — (Sitting on ottoman in front of table left — 
Findley sits on chair left of ottoman. Dr. takes chair and 
places it right of Judge — sits.) — We ought to be ashamed 
of ourselves. 

FINDLEY — We ought to be? You should be ashamed 
of yourself. It was all that damn buckle business. 

DR. GAUNT^ — Jimmy, you should have had more 
sense. 

JUDGE — Well it was your threatening her with the 
police. That's what did it. 

DR. GAUNT — You scared her out of the house. — (All 
three rise in argum^ent. Gordon enters door left 2nd, sees 
them in argument, beckons to Sidney to enter — she does so 
— rushes down to cease argument.) 

FINDLEY — I scared her out of the house? The 
trouble? It was your ruts and buttercups that drove her 
out of the house ! 

DR. GAUNT — I was the only one that was good to that 
girl. — (Ad lib by three wise men until Sidney comes down 
and places arms about all of them — all together). 

ALL — Sidney! — (They resume their seats. Sidney 
kneels with back to audience.) 

DR. GAUNT— Everything is .all right, Sidney. 



88 THREE WISE FOOLS 

FINDLEY — Yes, your father will be with .you again 
soon. 

DE. GAUNT — He '11 be with us all again soon. 

JUDGE — And you won't worry, Sidney, and just 
leave everything to me? — (She rises, creeps into Judge's 
lap, she hugs him-) — That's right. 

DR. GAUNT — And you're going to forgive us. Sid- 
ney? 

•SIDNEY — (Looking at the three of them.) — 'Forgive 
you? 

DR. GAUNT — Yes, we didn't mean any harm. We're 
just three humiliated old fools. 

SIDNEY — (Glancing at Dr., placing hand upon his 
head.)— -But you're not old — no — really you're not. 

FINDLEY — But you don't contradict us about being 
fools. • 

GORDON — (Crosses down from door left 2nd entrance 
to left 1st entrance with hack to audience watching Sidney: 
Judge^sees him.) 

JUDGE — And you're going to forgive us too, Gor- 
don? 

GORDON — Not if you keep Sidney on your lap much 
longer. — (He comes to trio, extends his hand and takes 
Sidney to fireplace.) — I say, can't we celebrate some way. 

DR. GAUNT — (Clapping his hands gaily rises — takes 
chair placing it right centre of table.) — iCelebrate ! that's 
the thing to do. — (Findley crosses down left corner hack to 
audience — Judge is left center hack to audience. Bell 
rings off stage left centre one stroke. Folding door opens 
center. Gray enters with hig handage around his head; he 
is in dressing gown carrying tray — .on which are three tall 
tumblers of hot water — and three large apples on plates.) 
Gray — 

GRAY — (Solemnly) — It's ,bed time, gentlemen. 

JUDGE — He comes like fate to put us to bed. — (Takes 
his chair and places it up left of ceyiter door.) 

GRAY — (is left center.)— Your apples and hot water. 

DR. GAUNT — (Throwing up his hands.) — I surren- 
der, Teddy. Ha, ha — (Laughs ruefully.} — ^We can't es- 
cape our ruts. — (Goes over and takes his glass and apple 
and crosses upstairs to the lihrary door.) 

J\]T>G'El^(Who comes down left of Grey, takes his 
apple and hot water.) — We don't want to escape them, 
only there was something lacking before. — (Indicating Sid- 



THREE WISE FOOLS 89 

)iey and Gordon, crosses up following Dr., stands on first 
step of stairs leading to library.) 

FINDLEY — (Crosses up to Gray, takes his cup of hot 
water and apple ,faces Sidney and Gordon. Gordon in the 
meantime has taken pearl necklace from his pocket and 
fastens about Sidney's neck.) — By jove that's so, Dick. 
We can stick to our ruts and at the same time we can roll 
among your buttercups. — (The Three Wise Fools start hum- 
ining the March song from '^ Faust''; they go up the stairs 
waving their apples and tumblers to the young lovers, sing- 
ing their soldier chorus. Grey starts to exit through sliding 
doors center- Gordon and Sidney smile at them as they go 
through the door.) 

CURTAIN. 



90 THREE WISE FOOLS 

PROPERTY LIST OF ^' THREE WISE FOOLS." 

ACT ONE. 

1 small green covered card table. 

(On table, a double pack of miniature playing cards, 
one large pack of playing cards, one box safety matches, 
one silver ash tray.) 

1 cigar for Mr. Findley. 

1 small stand R. of C. 

1 chair behind table 0. 

1 settee R.I.E. 

1 sofa L.I.E. 

1 table, 4 ft. 6 inches, set left. 

(On table, medical journals, one standing lamp, 10 
newspapers, four magazines, one cigarette box, one ash 
tray.) 

1 desk telephone on table L. 

1 family album in same. 

1 table and 4 chairs in dining room, off C. arch. 

(On table, white table spread, fern dish in C) 

(OFF STAGE LEFT FOR GRAY.) 

1 small carafe of water. 
1 medicine bottle with cork. 
1 graduating glass. 
1 glass spoon. 

1 tray. 

(OFF STAGE FOR MRS. SAUNDERS LEFT) 

2 small note books. 

(OFF STAGE FOR GRAY RIGHT) 

1 tray with coffee pot, 2 cups, 2 saucers, 2 spoons and 
two lumps of sugar on each saucer. 

(OFF STAGE R.) 

1 silver server with card on same (for Gray.) 
1 Police whistle (for Poole). 
1 chain of keys on ring and hook (for Findley.) 
1 official envelope and letter (for Findley.) 
1 black letter wallet for letter — ^^for Findley. 
1 picture of Three Old Men in album. 
4 pictures of a lady in album. 

1 letter with envelope — letter written on wrapping 
paper, also Will (for the Judge.) 
1 cheap hand-bag. 



THREE WISE FOOLS 91 

1 old dress suit case. 

1 carpet down in dining room, also on stage. 

1 set of curtains on poles and rings — window R. 

1 kitchen table off L., upper entrance, for side props. ■ 

1 kitchen table off R., upper entrance for side props. 

2 candelabras on mantel L.T.E. 
1 Police whistle (for Poole.) 

1 chair R. of C. arch. 

1 chair R.I.E., also 1 chair R. of D. R. 2 E. 

3 apples, 3 mugs on plates on tray (for Gray). 



92 THREE WISE FOOLS 



ACT TWO. 

I ladies' writing desk up C. to R. between arch and D. 
in flat. 

II law ibooks under desk. 
1 tyipewriter (on desk.) 

1 dainty Sheritan table C. downstage. 
4 ichairs about same C. downstage. 
20 bouquets of flowers in 20 vases and pots. 
1 paper (list) for Mrs. Saunders on table L. 
1 Birthday cake on cake dish, candle on cake — off R. 
upper entrance. 

1 cake knife on tray. 

(OFF 8TAGE C. IN DINING HOOK— Back Center.) 

1 Adams dining table. 

4 dining chairs about same. 

1 white table spread. 
4 napkins on table. 

4 plates, 4 knives, 4 forks. 

NOTE : — The Prop's to dress table in dining room in 
Act 2nd, (Behind closed sliding doors are as follows.) 

2 consol tables, R. and L. of window in dining room, 
silver tray on each. 

4 napkins (opened as if used.) 

4 candle sticks (glass) with candles in same, also 4 

shades for same. 

4 fancy cut glass tumblers (filled with water.) 

4 fruit or ice cream dishes on glass saucers. 

4 ice cream spoons (on same.) 

1 gong or bar to strike at given cue (off L.U.E.) 

1 muffled beater for same (for man who watches clock). 

1 small fancy sugar on mantle, L. of clock, 

1 tobacco jar (glass) half filled with tobacco (on 

mantle R. of clock.) 

1 dark glass vase (fancy) filled with paper lighters 
also old briar pipe with same, R. of clock O. on mantle. 

, 2 glass vases (with large bouquets of American Beau- 
ties in same upon mantle L.I.E.) 

2 glass vases (with large bouquets of American Beau- 
ties in same upon book case R. of door R.) 

(OFF STAGE R.U.E.) 
1 bottle port wine. 
4 glasses on tray (3 for Douglas.) 



THREE WISE FOOLS 93 

1 bunch of keys (for Clancey.) 

1 tray with trick coffee pot on tray (for Douglas.) 

1 pair of pearl beads in same (for Douglas.) 

1 pair of pearl beads (for Gordon.) 

4 cups, 4. saucers, 4 spoons, 1 coffee pot — ^^off C. — to L. 
(for Douglas.) 

12 white handkerchiefs (for Doctor, Findley and 
Judge. ) 

1 box of tobacco (for Doctor). 

1 lorgnette (for Sidney). 

1 fan (for Sidney). 

1 bunch of orchids (for Sidney). 

1 lady's wrist watch in case, wrapped in paper, rubber 
band about same (for Gordon). 

1 heavy sand-ibag — 150 lbs. — ^on step-ladder, for effect, 
off R.U.E. 

1 revolver (for Benny the Duck) . 

1 medicine case t)ff R. of C. (for Douglas). 

1 kitchen chair off stairway, L. of C. (forside props). 

1 mirror hung off stairway L. of C. (for Sidney). 

1 pair blue satin slippers (for Judge), buckles on same, 
off L. of C. up-stairs. 



94 THREE WISE FOOLS 

A€T ONE, TWO, THREE : 

NOTE — (Wall or Interior decorations for set 
follows) : 

1 oil painting (to look as if it was Sidney's i 
hanging over mantle L.I.E.) 

1 oil painting (hanging in hall off R. of C.) 

1 oil painting (hanging over D. R. of C.) 

2 small old-fashioned pictures L. of D, R. in P. 

1 picture containing wax wreath of flowers, L. i 

1 bell cord hanging L. of C arch. 

1 large bouquet of American Beauties, with long 
(for Douglas) for opening of Act 2nd. 

' 2 large potted plants R. and L. of table down C 

Act 2). 

1 large potted plant on stand R. of C. arch (for J 

1 large potted plant on small table or stand (be 
door L. 2nd :id foot of stairs). 

2 large bouquets of roses on table C. 

1 large bouquet of pink roses on table L. — Act 2. 



THREE WISE FOOLS 95 

ACT THREE. 

^AIRS C. OFF L. (FOR MRS. SAUNDERS) : 

ey's bag. 

s-suit case. 

3dle and thread. 

ing of pearls, separated (for Findley). 

ite tumblers in holders (for Gray), off R.U.E. 

ver tray, 3 napkins, 3 plates, 3 large red apples, 
f hot water, same as Act 1. 

ndage (for Gray). 

'ge cigar. (for Findley). 

X matches on table C. 



LIBRARY OF CONGRESS 




015 930 568 5 ^ 




